A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with this guy for almost 5 months now (we're both 19). He's a good guy. He means well, and I know he cares about me. The only problem is his lack of maturity. He's a month away from possibly losing his license for a year, and he's yet to send for the paperwork he needs to make sure he can write an appeal to the judge. He was supposed to do it 2 months ago. He often bails on our plans, he lies to me about hanging out with certain friends, and I feel like I'm put on the back burner at times. Recently, I met another guy. He's 24, he has his career going already, and he really seems to have a good head on his shoulders. I know he's interested in me and wants to be with me, but I don't know what to do about my boyfriend. I've told him countless times that he needs to think before he acts and pretty much just grow up, but it still hasn't changed. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): I have been in a similar situation. He would tell me he was comin round and then would never show up, he would ditch me to go to raves with his mates. He lost his job, got banned from drivin and lost his flat and lied about anythin and everything. And the funny thing is he said it was my fault he was so horrible to me. I stayed with him for 3 years, I kept thinkin he was goin to change.
But it doesnt improve. He isnt going to change - not for a long time. I think you should leave him. He might realise what hes lost and that might give him the drive to sort himself out. You might get back together one day in the future and be perfectly happy. Or he'll carry on down this path and you'll be incredibly glad you got out of it when you did.
Please please please dont do what I did and get walked all over and treated like s**t. More time that passes the harder it is to get out of the relationship, you get used the disrespect and it becomes the norm. If he knows he can get away with it he'll do it. Dont let him disrespect you.
There is someone out there who will care for you and love you and not do any of these horrible things.
xx
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 October 2010):
This is a classic example of a girl ignoring all the signs and seeing only what she wants to. How can he be a good guy if he's almost losing his license, is in trouble for not having filed the paperwork, is immature, often bails on plans, lies to you about hanging with friends and puts you on the back burner?
The truth is he's not a good guy. He's immature, he's in trouble with the law and you're just something on the side, not a real girlfriend.
Stop looking at him through rose tinted eyes and look at him as he is. He is a 24 year old loser. He offers you nothing, and he never will. The worst thing you can do is sit there continually making up excuses for behaviour, or sweeping it under the carpet. You need to get away from him, or you'll just wind up living a totally pointless life with a guy who just doesn't care at all.
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