A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I have a question about my coach. I play basketball in school and the competition goes for half the year. The coach started coaching when I started playing and immediately we just got on. He is not actually a teacher at the school but just someone that the school temporarily hires each year to coach one team. He is a young guy who really intelligent and kind and I love the him for the way he makes me feel, not because I find him attractive or something. He has just finished a bymed course at Uni but it about to start a medicine course for another three years. I've known him for two years and I know he has feelings for me. But this whether he does or doesn't have feelings for me is not what I am debating. I am turning 16 and I don't think he can coach next year. I really don't want to loose him as I think I love him, but I am not sure what options I have... He is either 19 or 20 and he had a girlfriend when he met me but doesn't now. Should I just see how things go? Or just tell him I like him and hope he is honest with me and decides whether to forget it or pursue it. Or should I just forget it all together and only take it further if he approaches me? Please help! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for providing such valuable advice in a kind way. It has really helped me so much!!! I will definitely do something nice for him at the end of his coaching! I will miss him very much when he leaves; but I think you are right about how it would not really work out. Thank you for your advice :)
to - no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom + ?,
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (4 November 2015):
I don’t think you quite know what it is you feel for him. You say that this isn’t because you find him attractive, then say you think you love him. You say that his having feelings for you isn’t up for debate but your question shows that you aren’t really certain where you stand with him. IF you tell him you “like him” it will sound like flirting and, if nothing else, it would be professionally disastrous for him to act on your interest. I’d be very surprised if he ever approached you, which is the only way anything could happen. To be honest I’d question his judgement and whether he had your best interests at heart if he did. At 26, 21 year-olds with whom I have things in common are easy to get on with as equals, but when I was 20 I’d have felt some responsibility for a 15 year-old because they are to me children on the cusp of adulthood. Then, those 5 years make a big difference because we change a great deal as people at the stage of life you’re at.
I think this is a classic teenage crush on a slightly older person of the opposite sex: they often seem much more mature and sophisticated and that’s powerful. If you want to do something nice for him, when his coaching time comes to an end, tell him how much you’ve enjoyed it and thank him. Tell him you really respect and appreciate him, rather than “like,” for the avoidance of doubt. But I wouldn’t expect to keep in touch or to see him socially: if you do you will probably be left disappointed. If you want to take something from this, think about the qualities you like in him and that will be a guide as to what to look for in the future. You are clearly smart, grown up and eloquent but I’m afraid this guy at this time isn’t going to be the one.
I wish you all the very best.
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