A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Last night my boyfriend said he's been really down lately but it's not because of me. A little later he said he just needed to remind himself how good he's got it and he'll be ok in a few days. The night before last he told me he never wanted to let me go but a few days ago he explained how usually in his relationships he gets bored and makes a snap decision to break up or gets interested in someone else, tries to resist and ends up breaking up to be with them, generally around the 3 month mark. But he "thinks he can resist" that with me.So you can probably guess I'm worried. I don't like the idea that he needs to resist other women so much. Yes, he has a short attention span and likes to jump around and have change a lot. But I didn't realise (or didn't want to realise) that also applied to his relationships. He said he has ups and downs emotionally but he's been most stable since being with me (10 months). But now I can't help feeling that on one of these downs, which he still has since he's having one now, he'll impulsively break up with me. He's the first man I've ever been able to see myself getting married to. I know 10 months isn't a very long time but it's been intense. I know most of his faults and love him for them. I just worry that I'm not as special to him as he is to me. Yes, he's been with me longer than anyone else, but I can't help feeling like that's only because he thinks I'm such a great catch. His family thinks I'm wonderful, his friends are insanely jealous and every time I hang out with them they end up saying I'm the best girlfriend ever and asking how he managed to get someone like me. Now it seems like him thinking I'm great has stopped him going after someone else so far, but it's not something that would work long term. So far we've been working together but I change jobs in a couple of months... I've never been a jealous person, but there's a new girl our age at work and once I leave, there'll be late nights at the office with just the two of them... He's someone who gets attracted to women after bonding with them and getting close... and given his way of becoming attracted to women and leaving his girlfriend for them, I can't help thinking it's only a matter of time. What can I do?
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female
reader, hrcdlhaml27 +, writes (25 January 2011):
 This is my insight here--It sounds like your boyfriend is emotionally confused, and afraid of commitment. Have him be honest with you--If you are ok with his answer and think you can trust him, and you still feel a good connection, then stay with him. If you think his answer isn't justified enough for you, then leave. I understand that's easier said, than done. Remember that it's best to go by your gut feeling. If your gut feeling is bad, then it's time to move on, because you don't deserve to be trapped and miserable at all. You deserve to be happy with a man who treats you right. You don't have to take my advice--It's really up to you to decide. Remember that you need to think about yourself--do what makes you happy.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 It seems that he leaves those girlfriends because the whole 'relationship' was based more on lust than anything else which explains why it lasted such a short time. If you really have something more between you, he should not have to consciously 'resist' another woman. Albeit there will be times when he doubts and he feels that same lust that he felt before, the feeling that may beg him to stray but if he loves you with his heart, he will know to stop, he will know to stay with you.
Why does he think he can resist that urge with you in his life? Because he knows there is something deeper than just attraction. Why else would your relationship have lasted longer than any other girl before? Have some faith in him and ask that he be honest with you just to be sure. That if he ever felt he was growing more and more attracted to this other girl, he tell you so that you can at least be ready.
I hope that helps.
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