A
female
age
41-50,
*earts544
writes:i have been talking to a guy for a year and some months, before in the beginning he was so caring and sweet , always wanting to see me, and of course i was kind of stand off ish to him. when i decieded i really cared deeply for him, he turned completely different. distant, never returning calls or texts, seeing me once a month. i was heart broken and figured someone else had come in to his life. time would go by and then he would come back around only to rinse and repeat do the same thing. i was beginning to flip out at times on him just because i knew he was hiding something i just couldnt pin point it, i would always fall back to him though, because i truly love him. to bring to recent, i have recently found out that he lives at home with his mother and has lied to me about it for all this time. very sad to me because i wouldnt have cared, i have yet to call him out about it, we recently were texting and had a bit of a falling out because i am always trying to figure out what he is hiding, some how i end up being the one apologizing and thinking i need to work on not flipping out to make this work.... how crazy is that? and i still didnt say anything about knowing what i know. his bday was this past week, he wouldnt see me but i took his card by his work, when he got it he sent me the sweetest text about how it was the most amazing bday gift he had ever gotten, it made his heart feel good, but then it was still the same no answering of his phone, not wanting to see me, barely responsive on texting. i had a date with someone, because as hooked on him as i am i know i can not be dumb and put all my eggs in one basket, i told him i went on this date and flattered the SOB i am sure by saying but he wasnt you !! and i have yet to hear from him. i guess my question and need for advice, is this has been a crazy up and down but for some reason my heart want what it wants... do i confront him, do i let him go, do i quit believing that this could turn into something more than just bs here and there and hook ups. if he isnt interested in me why does he keep me around
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 September 2011):
 He keeps you around because you are convenient. You are a " just in case ". He can get sex from you, and entertainment if there's nothing better going on,and ego strokes- without having to make an effort or to give you what you want in change. It's a sweat deal.
I have a closet full of shoes that I am not crazy about any more, but I don't throw them away. They can alwas come handy, you never know, and I like to know I have different options.
Sorry if my paragon sounds brutal, but that's what you are , no more and no less : an option.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 September 2011):
 Did I miss the part of where you two became boyfriend-girlfriend?
I'm sorry but it sounds as if you're voluntarily staying around. There is nothing tying you two together so you're hanging around him at your own free will.
You don't confront him, knock off the hook ups and move on. Obviously there isn't anything there, otherwise you two wouldn't have spent the last year and some odd months pussyfooting around.
It's time to start with fresh eggs in your basket.
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