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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi there, i am in my early thirties and so is my bf. we have been on for 2yrs. they are some many problems in the relationship but am just too scared to leave cos i am an albino(hyper-pigmentation) and i dont usually get much attention at all.The first problem is that he drinks alot and that scares me. he came back home drunk once and grabbed me and hit me continously until i threatened to scream or call his family in the morning. he then left me. since then i always pretend i am asleep when he is drunk. he hasnt done that again for months.The second problem is that i dont have a say in the relationship. he dictates everthing even what i wear. if i have something important to do at work and he needs me that moment he expects me to drop everything i am doing or according to him if i dont then its war. he keeps threatening to terminate the relationship anytime i explain to him i cant just abide by the rules i should have a say.he is angry with me cos the last time i went to his house he sent me to the store three times one after the other buying different items and he refused to allow me look around to see what is finished and make a list. i told him i am not his slave and was angry and i left.i met a friend of his at his home once and he described his friend as a childhood and good friend that i am free to inquire anything i want bout him and left us to it. his friend actually told me that i should be supportive that his friend always claim he see people chasing him and always depressed. i also found anti-depressant in his cabinet.i asked him bout it and he say its true and asked if i was scared, if not dont be that he loves me.His father also treats his mum like this. i discovered when i went with him to his parents home. he screams and threatens her infront of me and i felt embarassed.should i give up on him and move on. quite frankly i am always miserable are these little things i ought too bear and not make a big deal. even if i give up how can i find someone new. i felt lucky to have found him initially he has a great job and look good. i have been alone before i met him and he tells me i wont get anybody else
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2006): You have basically answered your own question when you ask if you should leave. Take a good look at what you have and what his parents have. If you stay that will be you. Is being alone for awhile worse than being with someone who doesn't love you. And no matter what he says he DOES NOT LOVE YOU! Love doesn't hit, degrade, or use. Walk out of this relationship and find something you like to do a hobby or sport. It will take your mind off of him and you will meet men who have the same interests. Let your family and friends be your support and remember things happen for a reason. We are not given more than we can take, this event was meant to make you stronger so you can recieve what you deserve!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2006): You can't live with some1 like that you deserve better and u should think this of yourself too.
Dont let the fact that your albino discourage you there will always be guys that dont mind.. and plenty that im sure will find it extra attractive.. (i do) you will find a better man, i dont think its possible not to.. and when u do u'll appreciate life so much more.
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A
female
reader, angle_eyes10 +, writes (8 December 2005):
oh my god!! no man should ever, EVER hit a woman.are you looking for confidence from men, because if you are, you are never going to find it. confidence come from within, as corny as that sounds, its so true. feeling insecure, and in a relationship such as the one your in, will only lead you to feel more pathetic then you do at the moment. do you honestly want to stay with him because you think no one else will have you? i hope this isnt true as you seem like such a lovely person, inside and out. i can advise you unitl im blue in the face, only you can change the situation your in, and my honest advice is to leave. i cant see how any conversations or heart to hearts with him, will ever make him change his oppinions or his ways. unfortunatly you have found the worse kind of man, and he will only make you feel worse as the days go on. it sounds as though maybe you need some time to yourself, have girlie nights, anything but do it without him. i think you need time to find confidence within your self, so you can be strong. no boby needs anyone in life, as long as you have yourself youll be happy, and i think this is something you need to discover yourself. hope this helps, Angel.x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2005): What an alarming, sad letter. This man is an horrid abuser-he's in the wrong-he has severe problems and he's dragged you with him under the rock and into his own hell. I cannot stress this enough- don’t ever, EVER let anybody determine how you feel about yourself. No one should ever have that kind of power over you. Get away from this man and from now on...stay away from any people who tear you down. You are a unique gift to this world. Never forget that.
And realize...you really do deserve more than what you are giving yourself here..don't allow your inner critic and self-worth determine your quality of life. You have choices, hun. If you are having self-esteem problems with the way 'you look' then you have to realize that having a loving, lifelong relationship has little to do with the your attractiveness or your skin pigmentation, but has instead is about the warmth and energy you project in your life. Being truly beautiful is about health, radiance, and the spark of life you show to the world. When you are interested in others and have hobbies and passions that you bring to others, you show the true inner grace and beauty that actually changes you and projects your inner glow and radiance.
You are in harm’s way and you need to do something-fast.Don’t worry about him. Get some outside help is the best thing. Contact family, friends and get some help. Call a women's crisis center in your area...but please..leave. Keep in touch with us and my heart goes out to you, dear...you really do deserve a happy life...believe in yourself and learn to use courage and strength. Good luck
Hugs, Irish
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2005): Well I usually try to take the guy's point of view but I dont see much here to work with. He wants to be the leader in the relationship- which is fine. There are many sucessful relationships based on uneven balance of leadership. But you cant have a leader who is NUTS! "he see people chasing him"?!? Authoritarian and irrational is not a good combo. You have to move on.
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A
female
reader, sexseahot  +, writes (7 December 2005):
 Honey, you don't deserve this treatment whatsoever. You ARE better off not being with anyone then being with this creep. Why would you want to live your life with someone that is abusive and don't care about you're feelings whatsoever. This isn't a relationship, there is no give and take here. He just uses you it sounds like. You can't be supportive to someone that isn't supportive to you at all. Telling you that you can't find anyone else. What does he know? Maybe you should just do something for yourself and make sure you can find someone else.
It don't matter this guy has a great job and looks good. He's treats you very badly and no one deserves this treatment. You don't do anything wrong at all and this is how he repays you for doing things he asks of you. Forget him honey, there are many men out there, but the thing is, you don't need a man to make you happy. You need to be happy with yourself. With the attitude that you have, you won't find anyone. Guys like self-confidence. Maybe you need to build up your self-esteem before looking for a man.
You will definitely find a better one if you have this because that also proves you won't put up with someone's crap either. Just hang out with friends for awhile or family members. Stay away from this guy and forget about him. You aren't happy now, so why stay with him? There is no reason. PLEASE! get out of this relationship, what he is doing to you is SOOOO wrong and I know I definitely wouldn't put up with it. Just be strong and realize that this isn't happiness, it's not a relationship, and it's definitely not worth it.
Good Luck!
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