A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi i split with my ex 10 months ago, after a passionate intense 6 months relationship, we had moved in together, i realised he had a serious alcohol problem, i know a lot about that issue, he had stolen money off me before, we were sharing money but it was my account, one night he stole a lot, i throw him out and called police, i took him to court, and it was a horrible experience for us both, we did not have any contact during the 10 months apart, he was very poorly ill, depressed. court day came and he pleaded guilty, that all sorted now. was ordered to pay me back, which is happening.we have just got back in touch and i poured my heart out to him, we talked and talked, and he said he was so happy i had contacted him, he thought it was over and i hated him basically. what i have done is help him, a tough love, which i know some of you understand, he hit rock bottom after he left me, he knows this, he has been dry for weeks, has received councilling treatment, through the courts and is on way back up after years of alcohol abuse and issues. and totally blames himself for messing up our relationship and causing these problems.we are meeting on sunday for the first time in almost a year with no contact. he is playing it fairly cool, any advice from anyone how i should play this, i just want to carry on as nothing happened, he does too, we do not want to talk about the bad bit not really, we have sorted that elsewhere. i have offered all my support and told him we can be friends and take it slow.how do i know if he still wants a relationship? and basically how do i play it, i love him so much but dont want to be hurt. any advice would be great thanksx
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): There is plenty of fish in a sea, why would you want to have an alchoholic w/you, especially if you went through so much w/him already.Addiction treatment is rarely succesfull, read stats. More than 65% go back to it.Do you want to take a risk, hoping that he'll be this 30%. And waste your years
A
male
reader, Anadin +, writes (26 October 2009):
 to keep it friends, try and keep ur distance, do not open up to him completely, thats mistake #1mistake #2 is how you talk to him, if he has any intention of getting back to you, wich the way you worded things, sounds like he does. if you say to him things like 2take it slow" "see how things go" it may give him false hope, unless you want to give him hope and for yourself?i agree with Denizen on the fact that you should make sure the alcohol abuse has stopped, and make sure ur ready to be with him, if you wish to be with him again. take it slowly, 6 months is pretty quick to move in together, it takes a good year to really get to know someone.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (26 October 2009):
 Until his problems with alcohol are resolved you should stay away. Help him to AA or whatever and then let him sort his life out. Alcoholics are destructive in relationships. They affect everyone in the family. If he is alcoholic do not start the relationship again. Did you hear me? Do no start the relationship again.
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