| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend dislikes my past... actually hates it. He just hates every aspect of it, he hates every guy I kissed, every guy I liked, every guy who liked me... he even dislikes some of my classmates just because we were good friends and used to hug. He just hates my past. He hates the fact that I took some photos in which I had a low cut shirt. He hates everything about it. He says he can't believe I was so cheap. That I was so easy, pathetic, etc.He says I make him so angry. I've lied to him about it, yeah. I was a virgin when we started dating though. But that's unimportant, he thinks I was easy and that's that!He says I make him so, so angry because last year I talked to a guy who used to like me (and forced a peck on me) a couple of years ago, before dating my boyfriend. Yes, I wasn't supposed to talk to him, but I talked to him at school because he approached me and I didn't want to be rude. I didn't intend anything with him, it was just polite conversation. So now my boyfriend says it's an "eye for an eye...", and so, he wants to invite one of his exes over to his house to hang out. He says sometimes he'd cheat on me for revenge of all the lies and the anger that I make him go through (because of my past), but that he won't cheat on me.With all of this, it makes me question, how come then he says he loves me? Yes he's sweet most of the time, but if I make him so angry then how can he love me? I love him with all my heart, before he found out about my past he was the sweetest most caring guy, the total opposite of what he is now, sometimes. But honestly, how can he claim he loves me? If I make him so upset, how can that be love? Why does he want to be with me if I infuriate him so much sometimes?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (7 June 2008):
 Oh my God..... Your boyfriend is the most insecure, controlling and immature jerk I have ever heard of.
So what you are basically saying is , that every member of the male race that has crossed your path romantically or friendly he hates. What a pile of crap this guy is talking about.
Look love do yourself a favour GET AWAY FROM THIS CREEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): Guys are built to want to be their partner's one and only. Girls are not. He's telling you the truth. He's twisted up inside, feeling terrible hurt that he doesn't want to feel. But it's not up to him. Women don't understand men's feelings about this and they usually chalk it up to insecurity, but it's not that simple. It's a natural-born gender difference that men are stuck with for life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): im in the awkward situation to comment on this because in my last relationship I WAS THAT GUY. I was so insecure with myself that i treated my ex horribly just like your boyfriend is. I can tell you from my own experience that in his mind he is so unbelievably inlove with you and you should try not to question that.
he is so scared of losing you that it drives him to act in ways that 1) he doesnt want too and 2) is not a true reputation of his character.
when my ex broke up with me for this i was totally devastated and went through a period of depression and pretty much had a mental breakdown.
it has been about 3 months now and i feel alot better. I recieved counsellor and read a really good book that helped me take control of my thoughts and actions.
I even managed to discuss my childhood with my parents which is something i would never do.
My advice is to try and give him chance to get help and change. He can do it but needs your support if you truly love him.
I dont know whether my ex will get back with me but i am confident enough in myself never to make the same mistakes that I did with her.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (7 June 2008):
 Strangely it is possible for him to be in love with you and to be behaving like this. In fact, I'd say its very likely. There is a saying: 'jealousy is the shadow of love'. He is so jealous because he loves you, he is insecure and afraid of losing you.
Having said that, I agree with the other aunts that this guy is being emotionally abusive. You are in danger in this relationship, he will try to control your personality and behaviour more and more.
There is very little you can do. He has to recognize he has the problem - none of this is your fault, problem or responsibility. Then he needs to get therapy / counseling to try and deal with it. You just might be able to convince him that he needs to get help, but that won't be easy as he's trying to make it all your fault (not his). If he won't see this, and act, then you have to leave him to protect yourself.
FYI I was similar to him once (not quite as extreme it sounds like), and going to therapy has really helped. I managed to stay with my girlfriend throughout, we are still together, it wasn't easy but it was well worth it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): leave him, he sounds like he needs u so he is bieng overprotective, he wants u all to himself and no one else, which probably means that he had problems with losing ppl that he cared about very much. this made him antisocial and very protective of the ppl that he loves, tell him that ur not his pet, and that u love him very much, but that u have commitments with other ppl who need attention, but no matter what he is the center of ur world. im not trying to sound like im on his side or anything but doing this probably means that he loves you, but you need to make sure the he knows that though he is the center of ur world, u have other ppl who are surrounding u. and tell him that u rnt cheap at all, and u love him very much even if thats wat u wore in the past, but now it's the present so tell him to worry about today, not yesterday. i hope this helped
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): He's jealous and insecure. Smiles is right-- emotionally abusive is the term.
Your past is nothing remarkable and nothing for you to be ashamed of.
I don't think there is anything you can do to change his jealousy, until he becomes more secure about himself. I once had a boyfriend who -- once he stopped me from talking to other men-- eventually got upset when I was talking to my girlfriends-- got angry because I had to leave him to go to my part time job-- hated everything in my life that wasn't him. He squashed the life out of me. Eventually campus police had to escort him away because he threatened to kill himself and me, just so that we would be together forever. Isn't that creepy? And I never would have predicted at first as he was otherwise such a gentle person. But I guess he pinned everything in his life on me and was so desperate that he ended up driving me away.
Move on, MOVE ON!!
And please be safe. Please talk to a counselor on the best way to break up with him, just in case he loses control.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): He sounds extremely insecure. He probably comes from an abusive home whose parents divorced. The really bad thing here is that he's blaming you for his anger problem. He'll cheat on you for simply talking to another guy & believe it YOUR fault. I would say you HAVE to get out quick. On top of cheating he will likely start to become physically abusive.
If you break up with him he'll probably cry & say how much he "loves you." Don't buy it.
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A
female
reader, :):):) +, writes (7 June 2008):
You've done nothing to be ashamed of, everyone has a past and yours dosent seem like a bad one.
He should be able to accept this as your past, not your present.
You must be firm and tell him whats done is done and if he isnt happy then you must reconsider the relationship.
He seems like a very jealous man, maybe he has been hurt in the past? Jealousy and anger can often lead to more sinister things. If you ever feel at risk of him please leave.
Good luck
xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): I have only got one bit of advise to you: Get out! This guy is emotionally abusive. He does not treat you with the love and respect you deserve. I do not want to even discuss his behaviour and etc. It is your life and you deserve better. See him for who and what he is and move on! You can and meet lots of nice guys will will value and appreciate you.
Never stop being yourself and being friendly!
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