A
female
age
41-50,
*ettesmc
writes:My husband and I have been married a little over a year. He has told countless lies, primarily about money and online pornography. We went to couples counseling briefly, and it was pointless. Now I don't ever believe anything he says. He has started with the online porn again and we have no sex life. Do I leave? I always feel awful and think he is just not attracted to me.
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (14 June 2007):
 Oh god you can't think that you are the unattractive one here.
Your husband is the one who is putting his own needs first and forgetting his wife.
They always say the first year of marriage is the hardest but he has to understand your feelings in all of this.
I normally suggest some sort of counselling but as you have already tried that he seems deaf dumb and blind to what he is putting you through right now.
You should be having a vibrant, fantastic sex life so early on in your marriage and unless he is prepared to knock the online porn on the head I can never see him changing.
You should never compare yourself to the women online as you are much much better than them.
You are real, you can be touched and caressed and you can give in return. They are images on a screen and if that is how he wants to lead his life then let him get on with it.
Tell him he is living in a fantasy world and you want to get on with living in the real world enjoying real experiences and if he does not change his ways you cannot continue living like this.
By putting it back into his court you have told him shape up or ship out and if he doesn't do anything then you have your answer completely.
I would give him the final warning and then see what happens.
It is always sad and horrible when a relationship gets to this point but you have one life and why should you put up with being second best to someone who is not real and never will be in his life. It is like the other woman but she will never be anything other than someone who takes his time and his sex drive.
You deserve so much more and we are only here once so why waste time with someone who is not wanting the same things as you.
Have you got children or do you want them? If time continues like this it just isn't fair on you and us women have needs to so why should you put your needs to the back while he lives in a bubble world.
We are all here to help you in any way we can so you have one hell of a support network here at any time.
Keep us posted on how you get on eh!
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
A
female
reader, Straight Up +, writes (14 June 2007):
 well the only way your going to know whether his attracted to you or not is by asking him. i don't really think you should leave him. its only been a little over a year there must of been a good reason why you marriage him. as for the porn you have to try and identify whats going wrong. does he not touch you anymore does he not tell you he loves you. ok way not try a romatic night in a candle lit dinner with soft music in the background. where something that really hugs you body and buy some really sexy undies if that doesn't turn him on i don't know what will
goodluck love
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