A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 1/2 years. He has cheated on me twice that I know of. Once when we all got drunk very early in the relationship and he slept with my best friend at the time. The other was 2 years into the relationship and when I found out i left him but we got back together a short time later after he begged to be taken back. Up until now there has been very little reason for me to doubt him. We had a baby 2 weeks ago. During the pregnancy he refused to have sex even if i wanted to because it made him uncomfortable being so close to the baby. I had a natural birth and was told not to have sex for 6 weeks but we had discussed that ahead of time so he knew I couldn't and it is also a fertile time and we don't want another one so fast. Last Friday he had plans to go out with one of his friends and asked if he could go. I said it would be okay but when he left I cried because i really wanted him to stay home. Before he left he sat next to me and said if I didn't want him to go just say the word and he wouldn't. I hate telling people what to do so I said for him to go. I want him to want to stay home with me and the baby but he works all day so i don't think its so bad he goes out every once in a while. He was supposed to be home by midnight. When I woke up at 1 am he still wasn't home so I called the cell and he said he was waiting for his friend's wife to pick his friend up and then he'd be home. An hour later he still wasn't home so I called the cell again. For 4 hours I called with no response. Finally around 5am he called to say he dropped his friend off (he lives an hour away) and he was on his way home. He was pissed off because he didn't wanna be out that late so I didn't make it an issue that there was no reason he just couldn't tell me what was going on 4 hours ago so i wouldn't be up all night worrying about what was happening. Last night he went out but was home before midnight so I didn't think that was so bad.Tonight he said if I wasn't going out, he wasn't going out. I have a newborn and don't feel the need to get wasted. He one way or another said he was at the bar around 8:30 but he wanted to be home no later than 10 and to call him if he wasn't here by then. It is now midnight and I have been doing nothing but calling since 10. He said he had to drive his fellow coworkers home because they all had to be up at 5am. My best friend is the girlfriend of one of the workers and told me she was on her way to pick them up to take them home but that they were not with my boyfriend nor have they even seen him all night. The only thing that gets me so far is that they were at a different bar than the one my boyfriend said he was at. Both times he cheated I knew right away but failed to trust my instincts even though they were right. I don't feel that way this time. I get the "he's avoiding me for a not good reason" but not the "there is another girl" vibe. None of my friends think he's good for me but we have a long history and now a son and I think its worth making work. Lately he's been very supportive and always saying how he doesn't want to make life hard because he's afraid of post pardum depression. He keeps telling me to call anytime the baby gets fussy or I need him for any reason. I really needed him around 10 tonight and he was no where to be found. I'm trying to keep my crying to a minimum because my mother's bedroom is right next to mine and if she knows whats going on she'll want him gone and i don't want that. I am so confused because I don't know whats going on, why he won't pick up the phone, and why he's the one always telling me to call him and telling me when he needs to be home and then turning around and not answering the phone and not coming home when he's supposed to. I don't hound him about where he is, who he's with or when he'll be home. He is always the one making the rules and then it makes me feel horrible because i'm all alone. I need to grow a set and finally confront him about disapearing lately. I hate that he always comes home with some excuse that I feel I can't challenge without all the facts so most of the time I don't even bother. So what do you think? Is he cheating or just out with his friends and doesn't want to answer the phone because he doesn't want to be bothered until he is finished? Maybe a guy can answer why he keeps setting himself up by asking me to call and telling me when he'll be home and then not picking up the phone or coming home when he says he will.
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best friend, cheated on me, co-worker, drunk, friend's wife, got back together Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): Every time that you hide your feelings, whether it be
-crying softly so your mother doesn't hear you
- not asking him were he has been
- or telling him to go when you KNOW you dont want him to
you are lying to yourself and more importantly DISRESPECTING yourself! If you really want to know the ENTIRE truth (because even if you confront him, you won't get the ENTIRE truth) then hire a spy! I know it sounds far fetched but maybe if you confront him, he'll only tell you "yeah I cheated with this girl." But what if a spy tells you it wasn't just one-- but EVERY time he goes out he is picking up a new girl...or maybe he is cheating with a close friend-- does that alter how more outraged you get about him cheating? Do what you have to do girl-- but just be smart about it!!
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 March 2008):
 It sounds like old habbits die hard. If you are feeling as if he is not being honest with you, or in his actions your probobly right. I would confrount him but do it in a way that dosn't accuse but in a way that meets your feelings. It may be that he's just not ready to grow up or acknowledge these new family responsabilities. You know you deserve better then to be cheated on or to have a guy take advantage of you as it seems he is doing. You have a child now. Its your position to assure your child is in a place that is condusive to their growing up. You don't want this child to grow thinking this behavior is ok or they might repeat it so something in how things are getting done needs to change. Take care and good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): Tell him youve had enough of his behaviour, ground him for 6 months if he protests dump him. Then if he starts to go out again make it on your terms. You need to be firm, and say whats on your mind. Your passive behaviour is making you into a doormat.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 Could it be technical problems ?
Maybe you could ask him why he did not answer your phone or was he aware that you phoned him.
You need to communicate this to him rather than go speculating about the why's?
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