A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is very juvenile but its been driving me nuts so I am going to ask for help anyway...I found my boyfriend's ex-girlfriends myspace profile the other day (I admit, I searched for it out of curiosity). And she is GORGEOUS. And smart. And funny. And thin. She is much prettier and thinner than I am. I have been torturing myself, looking at her photos and reading her bio and all that... she is just... better than me.They dated for 3 years on and off, and he finally broke up with her because he said he grew out of the relationship, and also she had cheated on him 3 times. But since I found it, I am having MASSIVE insecurities... I know that they slept together... and now I have trouble being comfortable in bed with him because I worry that my body isn't as pleasing as hers.He and I have been together for 4 years now (straight- no breaks or breakups, but we have had rough patches). Until I started looking at his ex, I was pretty comfortable with myself. I found the profile about... 2 months ago or so and I've been checking it 2 or 3 times a day ever since, looking for new photos of her to obsess over.What are the chances that he misses her? Wants to have sex with her again? Do you think he is comparing me to her and wishes I was as skinny as her? I worry all the time, and would like insight from an unbiased outsider. I would bring it up with him but he'd probably be freaked out that I was cyber stalking (well, I havent messaged her or anything) his old ex girlfriend. What is the best thing for me to do? How do I stop obsessing about her and move on? Do you think he compares us to each other and wishes I looked like her? He tells me I'm beautiful but now I can hardly hear him when he says it all I can think is "yeah but nothing like your ex"...
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broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex, move on, myspace, stalking Reply to this Question
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female
reader, shadylady +, writes (21 December 2008):
i have the same problem. my boyfriend's ex is a gorgeous blonde ballroom dancer. i hate it, but cant help it and became very insecure with myself. i used to be very confident cuz im actually a very good looking girl. i dont know what to do anymore. he was madly in love with her which makes it even worse. its nice to know im not the only one with this issue
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): okay... I have a similar situation than yours. When I moved in with my BF he had boxes with photos and cards and letters from his ex's and I went through them all and it has been seven years and I cannot really get over it. Yes, we married 4 years ago... but since he never had any sweet names for me like he had for his exes, like "little princess", etc... I feel insecure... I wonder if he is with me out of pitty or just because he was entering his 40's and because he can control me...Maybe he feels responsible for me... Maybe I feel insecure because I did not have a past and he did, being 10 years older. We have been together 7 years, and it is time for CHILDREN but I have been postponing it because I don't know... He never said "I love you". In my mind I think that maybe he told his exes that he loved them...
But why is he with me then? He makes more money than I do, so there is no economical attachment on his part...As a man he can have children in his 80s...
Your thaoughts would be appreciated.
As for the original question on this blog, if he broke up with her EX and tells YOU that you are beautiful, he does love YOU and no one else... I would not stress. Me, on the other hand, don't even know who broke up with whom. What I think in my mind is that my BF's exes all broke up with him. That is what I think anyway... Help!!!
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (18 March 2008):
Hi, first of all I want to say I know how you feel. Ive been in a similar situation before as I have searched for my bf's exs on myspace and facebook. Yet it always leads to giving me many insecurities so Ive stoped doing it.
You listed all these things you see as great in his EX gf, and I'm sure he did like her for all those reasons but you have to remember that you have one VERY IMPORTANT thing that she NEVER HAD...that is loyalty. She cheated on him (3 times!!!). I bet your bf respects you a whole lot more then he ever respected his ex. I bet he is so much more in love with you and that is why he is with you. Since hes more in love wiht you, you will automatically appear alot more attractive. True beauty isnt the colour of someones hair, their weight or anything like that, its who they are and thats what your bf should truly care about.
I think that maybe you need to hear it from your bfs mouth, him saying that you are so much better, so perhaps you should talk to him about it. Dont tell him you have been checking her myspace every day though, just casually mention that you stumbled across it and yeh seee where things go from there. Alternativly you could ask for him to show you a photo and if he says he has none, say 'what about myspace? surely we could find one on there'.
hope you work this out and get back to being comfortable! :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): At the time they broke up, he didn't choose between her and you. He was choosing between her and nobody at all, and he chose nobody. That takes some pretty strong negative feelings about his relationship with her.
You came later.
You also should realize that his ex probably looks like a better person to you right now than she really is. With everything you've said about her, she sounds like the type who tries pretty hard to look good on paper but not so hard to BE good in all three dimensions of life.
Your BF had several intense years to get tired of her image and get unsatisfied with everything underneath it. You have not.
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 Hi
He is with you not her. So there must be something that you have that she doesnt. Dont worry aboutyour looks, love is more than that - It is what you have inside. Just be the best gf that you can be and remember that you are beautiful in your own way. Ask him to give you some reassurance and that would also help.Communication is really important in a relationship.
Regards,mail me if you wanna chat
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A
female
reader, dont_worry +, writes (18 March 2008):
 hey stop it!
dont worry(:
dont try to compare yourself with his ex girlfriend
i mean
why do you worry?
its YOUR boyfriend now
he doesnt love her, he LOVES you! he accepts your body, he thinks you are beautiful, besides his last relationship doesnt come close to what he has with you! i mean she cheated on him 3 times, have you cheat? i dont think so.
you have never broke up in 4 years? i think thats love, dont ruin something great, justfor stupid insecurities, enjoy your boyfriend, stop looking at her myspace, its useless, you are better than her, you have an stable relationship with a wonderful guy.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 Don't compare for it will never end.
Each of us is unique in our own ways.
He preferred you over her because of her infidelity.
That is a crime most men won't forgive.
So what she has a great body but she has no soul?
Your soul is more beautiful than hers.
That is what makes him want you.
Love is what makes your relationship.
Sexy women are only play toys and very intimidating to men
and not for deep and lasting relationships.
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