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He has problems with condoms and I have problems with the pill, are there any alternatives?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Pregnancy, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 April 2008) 7 Answers - (Newest, 30 April 2008)
A age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and we've been having sex for about 5 months. At first we used condoms eveytime but a lot of the time he would go soft just after he put one on.

We stupidly did it a few times with him pulling out before he came but it made me sick with worry that I would get pregnant so I went and got the pill. I'm on my second pack now and the side effects haven't been good. My moods have become horrendous and my skin is really spotty. My libido has decreased dramatically and every afternoon I get nausea so bad I can't eat.

I really don't want to take it any longer. My bf never talks to me about it or even tries to empathise. I feel entirely responsible for the contraception in our relationship and I don't thinks its fair.

I don't want to take it any longer, its making me miserable.

What can I do?

View related questions: condom, libido, the pill

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A female reader, love-him United Kingdom +, writes (30 April 2008):

love-him agony auntHEY!!

Ive just last night got the IUD coil, and i will tell you my experience..

I just got the T SAFE 380 last night, i am 17 and have never had a child. It hurt so much!! I didnt scream, but i kept saying ohh please do it quicker.. I didnt get offered any pain relief at first, but then when she realised ive got a small womb, she said right do you want some anaethetic so i thaught.. You could have said that beore you know.. It was the Gel that they use to induce labour.. That didnt help the pain but because my cervix was spasermin (what ever the word is) she had to do it, and it helped my uterus open more.. I was told i had to lie down for 20 minutes, but i didnt want to, so i got up after 5 and was sick and fainted, but i still insisted i was fine and i wanted to go, so when i got out (id told a lie and said i wasnt driving), i got in my car and burst into tears, and phoned my boyfriend. Never have i been in so much pain, and i completely sympathise with those who have had to give birth naturally. I couldnt get to sleep well last night and when i finaly did, i woke up at 3.30 with realy bad pain! and now at 9am, still in pain :( ALSO extreme bleeding afterwards, worse than a heavy period which the dr was worried about, but i think it has lessened down now.. Everyone's different!!

I think if you are serious about contraception and dont want to use condoms or a hormonal contraception, then the IUD coil is for you.. Feel free to mail me about anything xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008):

Get the copper IUD (intra uterine device) Copper kills sperm and there are NO hormones in the copper one. Just make sure that the one your dr. prescribes is not the one that has hormones because they make those too like the Mirena. The IUD is great because it can last for up to ten years. All you have to do is once a week make sure it's still in place by feeling for the little string that hangs out of it, up by your cervix.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008):

Have you spoken to your doctor about tying a different kind of pill? There are many different ones and you may react to them differently. There may be one that doesn't have any adverse affects on you. My pill doesn't make me feel any different at all.

As for the condoms: are you waiting until just before he's ready to enter you to put the condom on? If so, big mistake. If he's putting it on at the last minute, it's no wonder he goes soft - condoms are cold and having to stop right at that intense moment is a real mood killer. Don't wait til the last minute to put the rubber on. Make it part of foreplay - put it on when you're just messing around, then mess around some more. Stroke him with it on so it gets warm - and he stays hot.

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A female reader, Jmo United States +, writes (3 April 2008):

Jmo agony auntMaybe you could try the new low-dose pill. I've heard the side effects are minimal to non existent.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008):

There's a few different methods of contraception available now. Besides the pill and condoms, there's the coil, implant, injections etc..... Go to your doctor and talk thro what would suit you best. Explain about the side effects your having at the moment, maybe the doc can give you another type of pill instead.

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A female reader, kassie United States +, writes (3 April 2008):

kassie agony auntwhatever you do always use protection esspecially if you dont want a child.yes you should go to the doctor for a checkup to see why you are having side effects.also tell your boyfriend to always keep his condom on! i hope the best for you and if you like pleez keep me on a update with the doctor said of your reactions to your pills.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (3 April 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntCheck with your doctor, the dosage might need to be adjusted. You could try the patch or maybe get an implant. There are other options, talk to your doctor and see what he/she recommends.

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