A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Pretty much all the guys ive gone out with havent accepted me for me. I am very conservative and quiet by nature and am not into drunken parties. When I meet a guy I think i make it pretty clear what im like. I dont try to cover it up at all, i pretty much tell them im not into the whole party scene and so on. They are awlays like 'ohh yeh thats cool, i dont mind, infact im like that now too'. Then after a while, they try to change me to be the complete opposite of who i am. They say they just arnet happy with who i am. I dont understand why they would date me in the first place if they dont like who i am? why would they do this?? why would they bother? its so frustrating. i am sick and tired of attracting guys who only want to change mei n the end. its especially frustrating when they pretend they are ok with me in the beguining. advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAsk oldersister - thanks for ur reply. no i dont think im doing the same thing. i never tell them they should change. they often pretend to be more like me then what they really are and i dont always realise that till near the end when they start trying to make changes to me and admit who they really are. and when they do, im often ok with how they are. infact with my last bf who ended up to be completely opposite to me, he ended the relatioship because of that, not me, i was the one who thought we could work despite our differences.
Irish49- thaks for ur advice to. id like to not get so emotionally involved to early on, but i dont know how to. its really hard not to. i feel like i can not let my emotions get involved. any tips?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): Nobody should try to change who you are, hun. You are thinking the wrong way here and it's dragging you down. Stop doing that, sweety. I think what should be more important, is for you to think about is 'not who you are with them' but 'who they are with you'. You sound like a nice girl who has standards and knows what she requires in a dating partner. You are dating a variety of people in the hope of finding someone compatible. Guys do the same thing with females...they scrutinize and they don't invest their feelings to begin with. They are being selective as well. Us females would be smart to adopt those traits. Finding the right guy to be happy and a good fit with, isn't won that easily in the dating world. I just don't think you have found the right person, yet...is all. And you may date a good number of fellows before you get there.
I think the key is try not to invest your emotions in these fellows, too soon. Don't pin any hopes on them, in the beginning. Go slow. Sometimes when females do this, what happens is they do what you are doing, they agonize and question their individualism, and then the self-doubts set in. And then their self-esteem takes a nose dive when the fellow says 'see ya' Don't do that to yourself. Keep a level, smart head on your shoulders and forge on.
And as Askoldersister alluded to...always, always remember, dating is a selection process. With each fellow you date, you learn something, you mature and develop your self. To the point, that someday...you will know who the right person is for you, who is best for your life, over the long term. Good luck hun and 'you' keep on choosing wisely. Take care and best wishes xx
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