A
female
age
41-50,
*tbutterfly
writes:Im 28 years old and my husband is 38. We have been together for 10 years. I met him at 18 and was everything I dreamed of. I got pregnant a year later. Three months into my pregnancy I found out he was living with a woman and had 3 kids. After all this, I still stayed with him and gave him an ultamatum to leave or get married to me. He married me, but he was still seeing her on and off, spending 2 nights with me and 2 with her. I couldnt take it and seperated from him for 3 months, he begged me to come back and promise he would never go back with her. I moved back in with him and he never spent another night away from home. She eventually moved on and my life was great. Until i got pregnant again, I found out he was cheating on me,, I still think its going on and dont know what to do. We have a business together and it wont work without either one of us. I really want to leave,, because basically my life with him is just filled with lies, since the beginning. Please tell me what to do.... Thank you. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): My heart is bleeding for you; Not a very nice situation to be in; specially not whilst pregnant; you will have to be strong for youself, your baby and unborn baby;
I suggest you do get legal advise regarding your rights to the business ets;
I also suggest you urgently get help from a professional counssellor; somebody that can help you get perspective and deal with the emotional turmoil; (it seems to me as if everytime the problems start when you are pregnant);
Get out there, get councelling and then decide what is best for you and your babies!
My thoughts are with you; take good care!
A
female
reader, andyb  +, writes (3 July 2008):
you gave him a second chance and he just ruined it for you all.
unless you are willing to accept that this maybe an ongoing issues in your life then he needs to leave.
he is not a good role model for your children.
im sorry you are hurting.
best of luck.
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Oh sweetie, what a mess! I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through all this! My first question for you is who are you getting support from? Something like this is just too BIG to carry on your own. I understand it isn't an easy topic to just chat to just anyone about - but if there is someone you can trust you should confide in them, for you.
If you really don;t have a family member or friend to talk with I suggest you look into options for seeing a counsellor - you'd be surprised how cathartic it can be to tell someone your 'problem' out loud! This might also be a way for you to start to explore what you really do want and how to go about things.
It does sound like trust has been an issue for you from the very beginning - and just when you felt things were on track he shattered it all again by cheating! Trust is such a crucial factor in a relationship, it's no wonder you feel hopeless right now.
The scenario you desribe is fairly complex. When you gave your man the ultimatum the first time, and he chose to marry you/leave the OW...did he (or the two of you) explore WHY he behaved in such a way in the first place? Did you seek any professonal intervention then? It sounds to me that the "issues' have not been identified or addressed...and here he is cheating again. Do you think the pregnancy is a contributing factor?
Noone can really tell you what to do here my friend - only you will know what feels right for you. But it is obvious you have some decisions to make.
If you think it is still going on you need to confront him - eventually - and bring the matter to a head. If you think you truly do not want to be with this man anymore then maybe it would be a good idea to look at your options, maybe get some legal advice BEFORE you talk to your husband. I'm not suggesting this to be underhanded...but more to feel you have a 'plan' if it does all blow up.
Your life/happiness is so important (as is that of your child/unborn baby) so try to remember that when you are thinking through your decisions...there will always be 'things' that can get in the way (eg: the business) IF you let them...but as hard as it might seem, IF you do choose to leave you will be OK.
If you decide to give your man a "third'(??) chance...you will need to both take steps to address the issues that lead to infidelity/mistrust - I would suggest professional counselling for BOTH of you.
I really hope things can become clearer for you soon - your little heart must be breaking. Try to take care of you and those babies. x
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