A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I need advice from all the guys out there please... My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half - and have lived together for nearly half of that time - he's 27 and I'm 25. Our sex life is pretty inconsistent I would say - for a few weeks we'll have sex every other night, and then for a few weeks we will only have sex once a week. We've talked about this extensively and he says that he's just not your normal horny guy, and stress affects our sex life... SO - to get to the point, we've been on a 'sex once a week' routine now for almost a month. I know that he masturbates in the bathroom at least once a day - usually when he first wakes up in the morning. I haven't thought much of our infrequent sex, although it bothers me, because I just believed him that he doesn't get that horny. Well today I was putting laundry away and in the bottom dresser drawer next to our bed (one I don't usually use for anything) I found a whole bunch of old t-shirts covered in semen. This leads me to assume that he regularly lays in bed and masturbates when I'm not home... Now I don't know what to do. We've talked about our sex life so much it seems ridiculous to bring it up once again - but why would he masturbate like this if he really doesn't get horny? He has always told me that masturbating isn't the same for guys as having sex - it's more of a release kinda thing.. It makes me feel very insecure but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting here. Should I confront him about the t-shirts or should I just let that be his private business and focus on our sex life again?? Please- any advice will be greatly appreciated..
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): I tink its obvious. Us men are lazy,we love sex but forplay is a drag and if you have to do all the hard work its even worse. We wake up in the morning feeling horny but know 15 mins of working your wife up to doing it and getting all sweaty. Or 3 mins in private hmmm Do the poor guy a favour , do all the work for him sometimes!!
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (11 September 2009):
 He is quite possibly becoming more and more addicted to masturbating to outside stimuli, such as video or Internet pornography - or even imagination. It is common to some degree. But when it begins to negate or reduce partner sexual activities, such as less than you desire, then you must rightfully make some demands. While it may help for you to "spice things up," he also should contribute to maintaining the relationship and keep you satisfied. Such is the duty of a man to his woman.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (11 September 2009):
 Wow! This one's a switch. He's got a gal that wants his body and he's soiling old T-shirts?
Okay, here's a quick possible solution to your dilemma. I'd only recommend it if he absolutely has 100 percent trust in you and won't feel ashamed.
Try switching sex times. Instead of at night, get up a little bit earlier so you're ready and you're up before he is. Then when he's all ripe to abuse himself, tell him you want to handle it for him if you know what I mean.
You might do this by cuddling up to him and tell him you want to help him release his "stress". Now its at this point that you either have sex with him, or just masturbate him for the intimacy.
Now that is kind of stealthy and all but I think he's doing this more for the expedience of not having to actually work at sex. I know it sounds lazy doesn't it? Some guys are like that.
The more practical solution is better though.
Try taking the time out to talk to him and spend time lightly petting and cuddling with him, just a no-sex intimacy thing. Maybe laugh about a few things and talk a lot about whatever it is that he'd like to talk about.
The more comfortable and relaxed he feels with you being affectionate with him, the more likely he's going to actually want sex and enjoy it with you.
Part of the problem I see here is that sometimes people forget that sex is sort of part of the whole package of intimacy. If he feels emotionally close to you, and very secure, then he'll get "into you" so that sex is more appealing than masturbating all the time.
As far as him masturbating into the t-shirts, I think you can spend a little time with that issue by telling him that you don't mind if he masturbates and it doesn't disturb you. You know its just something he does and you're okay with it and its probably healthy for guys to do that. Make sure he knows he has no reason to be ashamed, and you're not judging him or condemning him for it. Just let him know that you found the t-shirts and its getting smelly or too dirty in that drawer, that's all. Maybe he'll garner the strength to do the laundry so you don't have to contend with the mess.
By and large, though, I have to say that guys who have regular sex, even once a day, still masturbate so you're not going to stop that. And frankly every woman that I've ever lived with, dated or married masturbated so its not just guys. Humans do have a sex drive and sometimes a little self-love doesn't hurt either.
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A
male
reader, tonik  +, writes (11 September 2009):
 Hello there, it could be a question of whether he's small down there or does he watch porn on his mobile. I personally think this guy doesn't have any problem, it could be that he doesn't get the results he expect when having sex with you. Do you communicate while you are making love? Some guys watch too much porn and in the end they expect to get same results compared to real sex, which is somehow wrong. May be he wants you to (suck it) maybe he doesn't. But what I'm saying to you is there must be communication between you both. Are you quiet when making love? Some guys feel ashamed and down when the ladies go on as if nothing is happening. Do you try different positions? By asking yourself these questions might make you find a clue on what is making your boyfriend to act like that. But in the end its your choice, its your say... Good luck lady.
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A
male
reader, oBaLLiNo +, writes (11 September 2009):
Ok well ima guy and it is kind of a release thing if hes been doing it alot its becoming more of an addiction. There are alot of ways to confront him but thats your job to find out which you would choose Im not here to tell you what to do Im here to try and make you feel more comfortable with confronting him. If I were you I would probly go to him directly. Just know that you can into having sex again. just make it more special or romantic even though I would probably be doing the romantic stuff for my baby.(:3. so good luck and hope this helped!
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