A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im looking for some advice on long distance relationships as im about to start one, and im not sure if I can cope with it. I love my boyfriend more then anything in the world, and would be more then happy to give up my own university place to be with him at his university. We've been together for 4 months, but we know its real love. I was terrifed about losing my virginity but with him it was so natural and I feel so comfortable. He's the first man thats even shown me love.He says we can talk everynight on msn, skype, talk on the phone, text, email. But ill miss his touch, hugs and just being around him.Basically I was wondering if anyone else has survied a LDR, as ours will be for at least 3 years. I know theres christmas and summer, but I wont get as much time off as him. I really dont know if giving up uni to live with him and get a job there would be the best option for me or not?! I really need some advice please!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): You have to remember that, although you are terribly in love right now, things just may not work out for you. Then he would be the reason you've thrown your future away. And if things do work and you've left, you may begin to resent that he made you give up your future. When I went to uni I was in a similar situation, completely in love (convinced we would get married etc) with the my bf, we managed to both get into Uni's in London and so we were actually living closer. Things were great for the first year. Second year things went down hill - our relationship finally ended the summer after 2nd year. We'd grown up together but to seemingly different places. Would hasten to add that he dropped out of uni and is now working in Morissons supermarket full time. I succesfully finished my degree, am starting tecaher training after a couple of years out working, and on the brink of getting engaged to the person i know I want to spend the rest of my life with....So don't let your future be determined by a man. You may learn to hate your decision later. Don't throw away your future :) I hope everything works out for you, and if it's worth it you'll still be together and the distance will have made you stronger x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): Don't use your budding ldr to regress away from being an educated adult that can get a degree if they study hard enough IF YOU REALLY WANT TO BE IN UNIVERSITY AND ARE MATURE ABOUT WHY YOU ARE THERE NOW.
You need to realize right now that whatever may come of your relationship if he really is the one, he will be there after the three or four years you will need to get your ticket to a CAREER.
Don't forsake your independence now on the whims of youth. Do the hard things now when you are young and willing and in the future life will be easier on you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): Noo, don't sacrifice the best time of your life for someone you've been going out with for 4 months. It's not worth it, really!I'm about to start uni too and I nearly decided not to because my ex didn't want me to be with other lads (the course am doing is prolly majority male) Don't choose him over uni please! Go out there and enjoy yourself, if needs be you could always pop to his some weekends and he can come to yours others and stuff like that.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (11 September 2009):
 I know you really love your boyfriend, but you have only been together for 4 months.
Going to University is the beginning of your life as an adult. You will gain so much experience in lots of different aspects of life, work and people. It is something you need to do for YOU. The degree you get may well be the beginnings of a career, so it is important that you go to the right place for you, not because you want to be attached to your boyfriend's side 24hrs a day. I very much doubt he would want you around him all the time while he is away at uni. He will want to experience the full joys of university life.
University is not about being married to a partner. You want to be free to be able to socialise, go out on trips, and more importantly, have time to FOCUS, STUDY and concentrate on getting work done. Until you get to Uni, you have no idea how different it is from School. Not only do you have to get on with the work, but you also have to look after yourself, cook, clean, wash, pay bills. It is a big step. I work at a University, and believe me, it will be a big shock in the way things work. You will have a lot of work to do, lots of reading, and having a partner about really is not conducive to getting an essay in on time, especially when you also have friends who want you to go out with them. I know you probably do not want to hear this, but there is a great chance that either you or him will meet someone else at uni, and you are just as likely as him. You will be thrown together with thousands of new people from all over the world, so please be aware that something may well happen for you. But, this is just a general piece of advice.
You will be able to talk to your boyfriend every day, you can see him on holidays(and lets face it, students get a lot of holiday), but you also need to think about YOU.
Please don't waste the opportunity you have here, because you are clingy and can't bear to be parted from your boyfriend. If you are to make a LDR work, then you are going to have to get over the need to be with him 24 hrs a day. NO couple can take that sort of pressure. Even those who are married and live together. I know you love him, but what if you are not together in 3 years time. Would you want to have wasted this opportunity because of a guy?
Adult relationships are about give and take, trust, and most crucially being able to be independant of each other whilst still being together.
Many people manage this type of relationship, but it takes trust and maturity which some people find very difficult.
I wish you all the luck at University!
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A
male
reader, oBaLLiNo  +, writes (11 September 2009):
Ok well since you're going to be visiting if all works as planned. Then yes you'll be able to survive. It just means that when you do see each other in person it will be more special.! Also you have to trust him more than you would if you had a bf that lived near by. That is because you dont know what he could be doing when hes not talking to you. And I dont want you to think negative just know that it will be harder to have stable trust with him even if he is telling the truth all the time you might not believe it! but good luck.!
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