A
female
age
41-50,
*otallyStupid
writes:So I sit here in what is seemingly the "good times" I should see,"the changes he's made",but I cant help but feel,just stupid for believing him. This started 7 years ago although I didnt realize it until it was too late. He was so charming he managed to move in the week after our first date. I was pregnant within 5 months and he seemed to be a great Dad to my 4 year old. It started with "your the only one I need" " I love you like no other" and so on.After the Baby was born,he started working later and later,hanging with friends,ignoring me,criticizing dinners. He started hanging with other women,and I lost it,I gave him ultimatium us or a party style life. He chose us.Fast forward 2 years,He slapped me in the face during an argument,,I was so shocked I just sat there and cried,,,he immediately hugged me and apologized. I believed,that I shouldnt of said stuff to him to upset him. Things went fine,for awhile,then I accidently spilled a drink,and he went berserk,and threw his drink in my face saying I had no respect for the house and was lazy for making it messy. I left with the kids for a few hours,but came back to the "I'm sorries"Again he was sweet and kind and I relaxed and things were great. During the begining of 2010,He started talking to other women,ogling them in the grocery store while I am standing there,and laughing at me for being upset,,,so I said I am leaving,,that was the first night he actually beat me. I was again so shocked,,I just blamed myself. this went on for a few months. And suddenly we went a whole year with no incident,and life was Great. Then suddenly he left for a month without warning,,I cried everyday. He said "See I know you need me,and if you change I will come home,,,so I did. It is now 6 months since he came home,and he has actually started helping with the kids,and telling me I am beautiful,He admits to his abuse being wrong and that he has no right to hurt me.So my question is,,Do I give it another try,He has never seemed this dedicated to being a good Husband.So I want to believe him,but I find myself not wanting to relax and letting myself get hurt again.. What you you do?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 October 2011):
 As Cerberus Raphael says, typical abuse cycle. Don't be a fool,- take your kids and leave. He's been " good " just because nothing has set him off YET. And the problem is, you don't know what will set him off . This is a disaster waiting to happen, and you are plain Russian roulette with your mental health and physical safety.
You should have called it quits the first time he slapped you, but,if you wish, let's admit that everybody deserves a second chance. A second chance, not a 3rd, a 4th, a 5th etc.
I don't quite understand you hesitation, the way you describe him , he sounds like a really lousy husband anyway, even if he never had laid a finger on you, so it's not that you 'll be missing much if you leave.
A
female
reader, TotallyStupid +, writes (28 October 2011):
TotallyStupid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I am not sure I trust him. I love him so much,and want to keep my family together. My kids have only seen us argue,and him mess up the house,and Yes I know even them seeing that could have an emotional impact on them. I try my best to keep their dads mean side away from them by deflecting it to me. I have never let him be mean emotionally or physically to my children. I would honestly die before I let anyone hurt my kids. I just know he loves me,that is what caused he change,,I told someone,and they threatened his well being if he touched me again. Maybe it was his wake up call. Oh and by the way I called th police once,,,They told me to "stop annoying the man" and" stay in my room so he wouldn't have to be pissed at me." Yes I swear that is what the police told me.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 October 2011):
 did he get counseling?what has made the change?a man that hits ONCE and never does it again made a mistake.he has attacked you at least 3 times. he left you and manipulated you and he's emotionally bullying you... just like he did when he moved in and then you got pregnant.Why do you want to believe him... what is so much better about life with him that life without him?Are you sure you trust him?what if he loses his temper with one of the children? I am NOT one to throw a man out for a one time offense... (apologies to all the aunties that are strong enough to do so I am not).... but 3 strikes and your out huh?
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (28 October 2011):
 Typical abusive cycle. Each cycle can span over years or months. It might seem like he has changed, but the truth is, without professional help, that pain and hurt will only return and it will only get worse and worse because now he knows you will always go back to him.My advice is to take your children and leave him, if he even tries to touch you again, call for help. Abusive behavior does not vanish from someone just like that. Be safe. This is not a marriage, you are his plaything, he will push you away and reel you in again, over and over, who knows when or if it will even end? Leave him and do not go back to him. Change only really happens when he starts seeking help to overcome his issues.I hope that helps.
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