A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my bf for about 4years now we have 9month babys and we have had are ups and dwns but now that we are good I want to get married to hem he's been married twice befor and he's half my age everytime I talk to hem about getting married he never has anything to say he basically tells me he doesn't wwant to get married anymore he say its to much trouble to get a divorce??? I'm like excuse me why are you thinking about getting divorce I think he say this because I'm younger then hem and thinks I'm goin to leave hem later on but I'm not even that type of girl and he know it very well!!! So anyways I want to get married soon but he doesn't what should I do!?I told hem in two year we better be married or else I'm out!! On another note I just want hem to want to marrie me not because I'm telling hem but because he wants to it makes me feel like he doesn't love me enough to marrie me and now its make me feel like nevermind I don't want to marrie you only because I want to idk its very confusing someone please help!!?
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female
reader, Siteme +, writes (12 June 2012):
 To the male advice giver...seriously.... They have kids together and he doesn't want to get married....tell me really...when a guy gets a girl pregnant and has a life with them together but doesn't want to get married. OK...now why is it that when he knew what she wanted in the first place why is he getting involved anyway. He does not want to get married...she does.... end of relationship.... Is that how it should have been in the first place....He should have walked away, he didn't...he's a controller. He has someone he can control that's why he stays. She stays because she still thinks there is a chance to get married. Although at this point I really think that would be a really bad idea. Anyone that has children and does not want a relationship is a loser.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2012): Imagine if a woman was being called "controlling" for not wanting to get married to her BF.
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A
female
reader, Siteme +, writes (9 June 2012):
Ok, first of all you need to work on YOUR self esteem.... I have been there and done that and trust me this is not worth it. My advice is to walk away. Apparently this guy knows his limitation, although he is pretty stupid for getting right back into it. OR he is a controller.... it may not be like it outright, but he is steering you like a car... you are probably doing exactly what he wants you to do because he is refusing to do what you want. The minute you walk away and work on your own life, NOT for him FOR YOU!!!! He will be on you like white on rice. Seriously, I always attracted the controller's and they play this game with you. You get on with your life. This is not what a relationship should be about. The other person should care. His other relationships, probably failed because the others figured out that he is a controller and they grew up and said NO. You should have a conversation with the ex's. Don't be childish and think they would say something just to mislead you. Don't tell them who you are, just talk girl talk with them, you will eventually get to past relationships.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 June 2012):
 You and he produced a BABY!!!!! AND, yet, you say that he "...he doesn't wwant to get married anymore he say its to much trouble to get a divorce..."
You were correct in your "Huh?" response.... but failed to "finish" that response..... Let me help you by providing that continuation:
.... "Huh? Are you OUT OF YOUR MIND???? .... believing, as you apparently do... that I am going to be your foot-mat now and forever in to the future? The reality here, (insert him name), is that YOU are either going to marry me... OR you are going to part ways with me... on MY initiative... and it's going to happen soon.... because I have found out that I still have a shred of self-respect, and I plan to use it, now...."
Does that help????
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): Picture a guy making this complaint: "My GF slept with two other guys without being married to them, but now she won't sleep with me until she gets married! She says it was a mistake with the other guys. But I feel like she doesn't love me as much as them."
Does that help you put the situation into a different context?
Your BF has made a mistake twice and he does not want to make it a third time. The fact that he wants to do things differently with you does not have to mean that you are less valued than his previous wives. It may just reflect a change in him over time and experience. He may no longer want to get married today regardless of who he is with.
But I would also tell you the same thing I would tell the hypothetical guy complaining about his GF's sexual past and present: Your partner has the right to refuse to do things with you that they did with previous lovers, but you also have the right to find this unacceptable. If you want to break up over it then break up. Neither of you is wrong, you are just incompatible.
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