A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with a man I've been seeing for 2 years but I have alot of fears about our future together. He's been married twice before and was engaged to be married before we started seeing each other. His fiancee broke it off and left town. He's never had a relationship last longer than 5 years. He really won't discuss "what went wrong" in any of his past relationships but says he's never cheated on any of them. However, he is very friendly (flirtateous) with other women, he has remained "friends" with most of his ex's and they e-mail and text each other from time to time, plus I see him looking at other women when we go out together. He's never really given me a concrete reason to be worried, it's just my general "gut" feeling that I will always have to "keep my eyes" on him. Also he's kind of short, and small in stature and I think he may be insecure about his size, so he seeks the attention of other women to feel good about himself. I tell him how sexy he is and that I'm crazy about him all the time, but I know he still craves the attention of other women and also I worry that he'll get bored with me later. Otherwise we get along great and I just ignore most of his flirtateousness without making a big deal out of it because I'm hoping it'll go away but we've been together 2 years and he's still the same. But he travels alot out of town and I worry that one of these days, some gal is going to slip his her room key and he won't be able to say "no" because he loves the attention. Also, I'm coming out of a long-term relationship that was dead emotionally for me, but I always had a sense of security (he adored me and I knew he'd never cheat on me) so maybe I'm just being paranoid. Any advise?
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (7 June 2007):
 did it ever occured to you that maybe his other relationships never lasted because the women were feeling the same as you? just a thought.
you need to stop feeling secure, to set your mind free maybe you can just watch him closely and find out exactly from his family member you are used to, why he cant keep a relationship. be aware that this is not the best of ideas because you might fish out somethings you better off not knowing so be very careful how you do it.
i have been a very close to this male collegue of mine for 4yrs now, he is married for 12yrs and he is very flirty before he became my friend i thought he was just this stupid womaniser who cant pass a skirt, only to find that he said that flirting helps him to just appreciate nature so that he is not tempted to cheat on his wife. his wife knows that so she doesnt even mind, if he is not at work 90% of the time he is with her. so maybe your bf is this type as well. have u ever asked him why his flirting does to you? communication is important, yes u dont want to loose him but at the same do not settle for less.
A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (7 June 2007):
 No you're not being paranoid. Its perfectly normal you feel this way. If someone or something has a bad track record (not saying he does, but his certainly isnt the most reliable one we've seen), we can't help but be cautious of what might happen, whether history will repeat itself. But because this, unlike cars or items, concerns human behaviour, its extremely hard to predict what might or might not go wrong. In other words, yes, its a gamble. He may be the most loyal person who just likes to admire the view, who knows, or he might actually be one who will act on his impulses. Some people allow their partners to check the opposite sex out, some don't, but thats an entirely different issue altogther.
Now, being worried about this is normal as Ive put it, but when you start going histerical about the slightest things he does, which takes a toll on the relationship, its a sign that tells you that you're taking this one step too far. If you've got proof he's cheating, call him out on it. But if not, or he hasnt done anything to make you to suspect otherwise, then why ruin the beautiful relationship you have with him at the moment. Isn't life all about seizing the moment anyway?
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