A
male
age
41-50,
*eany
writes:I always thought of myself as level headed and well able to understand things around me, but over the last year my relationship has seemed strange to me. I'm engaged and my partner constantly looks at the ring I bought her....her choice of ring...its bugging me. Some junior colleagues in work have made comments about it being small and her sister rang my partner to tell her that she has been speaking with their mother and that her mother also mentioned the ring was on the small side. I was never so upset. Its a ring she loved when we bought it and it might be smaller that some but only jewellers notice the quality of it. I had just been let go from a job and I used all of my redundancy money to pay for it. I feel stupid. One night she asked to change the ring which was bought the other side of the world to where we live. We have not done so up to this point although i told her it would be okay if thats what she really wanted. how do i make sense of this?In addition, now we could be out in a restaraunt and she will look at other guys and almost immediately begin looking at her ring. Its painfully noticeable. Not only that, I know women like the attention of men, but she has also been putting far too much effort into getting other mens attention lately. I have brought it up on three occasions and she always responds very offensively to the point that I am now warned never to bring it up again. At a wedding recently we were dancing and she spent a whole song flirting with a guy at the other side of the dance floor.....i looked into her eyes for the entire dance and not once did they look back at me...and i know i have no point in bringing it up as it will result in an argument where i am wrong and she will tell me she was only looking in the direction of this guy or not at all. The body language of these men in response tells me differently.I don't know how to deal with this, how should I deal with it? Should I be feeling betrayed or am I just being too sensitive?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007): Yes she is being unfair to you. Maybe she's having second thouhgts about the wedding in which you need to talk to her and find out because you don't want to marry her if she's unsure. Maybe she did only want a ring to impress other people. That's what it sounds like to me. Tell her how you feel. And if she gets mad, then you know you're right b/c if it weren't true then why would she get mad unless she's a big hot head in that case, do you really wanna deal with not being able to tell her how you feel for the rest of your life??
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (7 June 2007):
 It sounds to me like you might be a little over sensitive although you could be correct about some of your assumptions.
Weddings are a HUGE event for women so maybe she is a little let down about the ring. People end to lose their sense of what's really important when weddings are being planned.
As far as flirting goes, I don't know you and your mannerisms toward her. Are you the jealous type? Are you reading too much into this? You might be looking for reasons to be angry with her where none actually exist.
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A
female
reader, Variety  +, writes (7 June 2007):
 No you are not.She is being stupid and material and only caring about what other people think of the ring. It is not the ring that is important, it is the fact you are getting married. That is what engaged means and if she is flirting with other guys now you have to ask yourself will you want to be with her in the future. She needs to decide if she wants to be with you.Are you planning your wedding? Just wondering. If not then the ring may not be to her a symbol of your impending marriage but rather an status object. Say you would like to spend the day with her one day. Take her to the jewellers and ask her if the ring means so little to her then she can swap it for one she wants. But don't spend any more on it. Say that is was all you could afford (you said it was of a very high quality so this should not be a problem to her). But mention that she needs to explain exactly why she feels the need to do this.
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