A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi My ex and I split up last year and have been in contact on and off. We have decided to stay friends, although there had been talk about maybe trying again in the future if we were single when we had sorted personal stuff out. We had also discussed sleeping together but decided against it as feelings were involved and this could make things awkward if we were to remain just mates. We have agreed that if either of us ever needs anything a chat or help or whatever that we will be there for each other as we do still care a lot.However, he has recently starting seeing someone,he didn't tell me about her himself he told my sisters boyfriend, who said he couldn't tell me what she is like because guys describe girls to each other completely differently than you can to girls. I don't know what he's hiding from me isn't it better that I know so that I can get over it or has something been said about me? I asked my ex about her and he just said that he is seeing someone but not sure if it'll last.. . why would he say that? I told him that if it makes it awkward keeping in contact with me (we still text/phone/ see each other at the local every couple of weeks) between him and his girlfriend we can stop, but he's said that he doesn't see it as a problem. He wants us to stay in touch and so do I but how must this new girl feel if she knows that we are still in contact? Fair enough there is nothing going on and we are just mates but I don't think that I'd like it, especially as she's never met me, I think.
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female
reader, elsie +, writes (16 April 2007):
 follow your heart darling.you sound sensible in your thinking.the new girl wouldnt like this.just stick to saying hello when you see him.dont try to please him.his little cryptic clue was when he said 'i dont know if itll last'perhaps he was being kind or trying to keep the door open to you?who knows?meanwhile youll meet someone and dont need the added worry.make a clean break.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
Thanks for answering. To be honest when I first found out that he was seeing someone else I was gutted, but I'm not so now as I've realised that things probably wouldn't have worked out between us anyway.
Its the first time that I have wanted to stay in touch with an ex and him too, so it does feel a little wierd at times, but we'll get over that hopefully. And the fact that we both still want to after disregarding the sex to me shows that we are doing the right thing. I've heard so many stories about people still sleeping with their exes and regretting it later. I had wondered if his phoning me was just a guilt thing, but he seems as keen to keep in contact still 4 months later, surely he wouldn't if it was just guilt. When I see him at our local he's always comes straight over as soon as he sees me regardless of who is around.
I suppose that you are right about it being his new girlfriends problems, if she has nothing to be worried about she shouldn't mind.
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (8 April 2007):
 Personally I think it's very difficult to remain good friends when couples split, especially for the person who was "dumped" and in the short term after the break up. Usually the person who does the dumping says; "lets be friends" so as to try and relieve them of the guilt trip and let the other person down gently. Sometime they try not close the door just in case they change their minds or the grass was not so green on the other side. Either way, how his new girlfriend feels is her problem and not yours. Unless... maybe you're not so happy now that he's found someone? In which case I suggest you cut of all contact with him and do your own thing with your own friends and family and let him get on with his life without you around for emotional support. Take care.
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