A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am 19 years old, and i haven't been in a relationship before, which means i haven't lost my first kiss either. I would say that i do not fall in love easily either. Last year, I met this guy, J in my college and I fell for him. I managed to pluck up my courage and confessed to him but he rejected me and wanted to remain friends. The really strange thing was after that whole incident, we somehow got even closer.I come from a pretty messed up family background, but he was always there for me. The thing was even if I did not tell him anything, he could always tell when something was wrong, he became like my best friend, the one who I could just share everything, all my frustrations with. That just made me more confused and in love with him.This continued on to this year even though I had now moved to the United Kingdom to study and he to Australia. We still skyped everyday despite the distance. I felt very lonely in UK and became very dependent on him, but I didn't want to affect our friendship.Then when in the process of moving on from J, I met S through a mutual friend. S was basically charming and really good looking. I was attracted to him at first sight but he had a girlfriend. They have been together for two months and she's still back in his home country. Everything happened very fast, we were hanging out together a lot last week, and in the whole group we played a lot of drinking games like truth or dare and we both got paired a lot with each other. I never had much contact with a guy before this so this were all firsts for me and I started to develop feelings for him. It became complicated when outside of the games we slept and cuddled against each other at night. I was very careful to make sure he didn't touch me in my 'sensitive areas' and he respected that. All our friends in that group have already labeled us as a couple, but i feel more like his mistress.The thing is I can't let go of the fact that he has a girlfriend, he has hinted that he's probably going to break up with her soon, but i've only met him for one week and I don't know whether I can trust him. And then there is also the matter whether I really like S, I suspect its more of being lonely in an unknown country or just to get over J. I'm feeling so confused, some of my friends tell me to just go along with it and have fun, but I'm not that kind of person, I'm looking for a serious relationship... Please help me.
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best friend, has a girlfriend, mistress Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (7 April 2011):
 Thanks for updating us. The fact that you say he's moved on to hitting on some other girl is more proof he only wants to sleep around. Good on you for not getting involved. A genuine guy can now find you :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice,I really appreciate it, especially Lexie88. So, I kind of gave him the cold shoulder, and I guess he got the hint as well, cause when we were mixing in the same group of friends,he no longer tries anything, which is best for me. I guess it sucks that he 'moved on so fast' and started hitting on another girl, i felt slightly jealous at first, but then later mostly relieved that I'm out of this situation because he just wasn't worth it.
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A
female
reader, Yetilicious  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 I agree with the posters below, He has a girlfriend, you need to do the right thing and walk away from that until he in fact breaks up with her. Just date around, sooner or later you will find an amazing guy who is interested, single, and can't get enough of you!
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (5 April 2011):
If you're looking for a serious relationship then you need to leave S alone. He has a girlfriend and no matter what he tells you (breaking it off with her etc) it does not matter, he is involved with someone else and you will end up getting hurt.
Your gut instinct is telling you that something is not right and you would be wise to follow it. This guy is in a foreign country looking to hook up with girls behind his girlfriend's back. He will not give you a serious relationship.
And even if he tells you he's broken it off with his GF, how will you trust him? You don't know this girl, she's in another country and he could very well be lying to get you in bed. The fact that he's flirted with you, slept in the same bed as you and cuddled with you, and apparently was involved with someone else at the same time, would make me think RUN as fast as you can. He's a liar and will do anything to get you in bed.
I think you're emotionally vulnerable at the moment and maybe you're attracted to this guy for the wrong reasons. I also think it shows maturity on your part that you're recognising this and not wanting to get involved.
Your friends tell you to have fun but I don't think you're that kind of person. If youre looking for a serious relationship, leave S alone (whether he breaks up with her or not), work on getting over J and in time you'll have a clear mind and free heart and you'll be able to meet a guy who wants the same things as you.
Best of luck :)
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A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (5 April 2011):
I think you should be with him intimately only when he break up with his girlfriend. If you get intimate before that, he will be technically cheating on his girlfriend, and that might happen to you if you get together.I think you don't deserve to be the mistress. You want the whole package. Also, if you give him sex being just his mistress, he will like the idea of having a girlfriend and a mistress that gives him sex at the same time. I think that is kind of unfair for the other girl and for you.
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