A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So just recently I decided it was time to end a relationship after almost a year. Don't get me wrong we never fought and we got along so well. Basically I just didn't feel like a top priority in his life and he never said I love you. We talked about it and he said he doesn't think he loves me and probably can't love anyone. What a stab in the heart! The weird thing is, we were both crying and it was so hard to say goodbye. He also told me that he thinks I'm perfect for him just not right now. Later on that night, he texted me and said that it's his fault and he needs to change. I've heard this twice before and in the beginning he is different but then goes back to his normal self. I believe that if you don't know by a year if you love someone you just don't. He has a fear of commitment as well and thinks right now just isn't a good time but possibly in the future. My question is do you think he can ever love me or am i just wasting my time?
View related questions:
I love you, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Move on. Find someone else.
I am in same situation but two years later and three children involved.
I'm more successful than my mate but he has a big fear of commitment. It does not go away. It's a constant avoidance of future plans.
As much as you try to rationalize your love for him, you know what you need. And that is to be loved. So you have given a year of your precious time to him with no retort.
End it. Find love without him, for you alone and then try again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): I would recommend moving on and finding someone else.That's a mean thing for him to say. He was misleading you for a year. When you thought he loved you, he says he didn't. During that year he should of said 'I love you' if he was for the relationship.I would say that texting you and saying that it is his fault shows that he is scared of being alone, and he wants to be in the relationship for the sake of it.He is scared of commitment as he is unsure what he wants. If he hasn't said I love you for a whole year, he wont be able to say it in the future.Sadly he will do the same thing to others too, never knowing what he wants. I know a few people who are scared of commitment. One who is in his late 50's and still stays that he wants to settle down, but none of his relationships have lasted long. The other an ex, who ran when I mentioned moving out together, blaming things on me.Your better off without him. You deserve someone who is sure of themselves, what they want, and who knows how to say 'I love you' and mean it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u for ur post. me and the boyfriend are actualy staying together. we can't stay away from each other no matter how hard we want 2 and i think i finally realized it's all about his actions towards me not necessarily hearing the infamous 3 lil words. we ended up having a good talk and i'm not more aware of his feelings. so we'll see what happens. :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Baroness Romero  +, writes (4 August 2007):
 I do hope you that you and your boyfriend are still friends. If you took Danielpew's advice and moved on then I feel sad that you have not given it longer. I know someone who was in the same situation. He told her he loved her after 6 months, told her for 1 month then stopped saying it! His reason was he felt that telling her was making a commitment and he wasn't ready for that. She persevered and 4 years later they are still seeing each other in the same capacity, i.e. on a regular basis and not seeing anyone else. She stayed put because although she doesn't hear the words 'I Love You' she knows that he does because of his actions – his unspoken. There are many tell-tale signs that show love without having to say it. If he saves Saturday night for you and not the lads (except occasionally), the way he touches you, looks at you, does things for you etc., although it would be nice to hears those words now and then, the words don't need to be said because silence is one of the most effective forms of communication.With regard to commitment, commitment is not a major life-threatening thing that someone does. People who can't make the smallest decisions are inevitably going to find it hard to make a major decision. The way I see it is that People who are afraid of commitment (to a relationship, a business, their own careers, a change of life, taking up a party membership or a mortgage, to name but a few) think falsely that they are protecting themselves from a bad future. They think that NOT committing is being free and powerful but what they are actually doing is putting themselves into ‘No man’s land’, an uncomfortable place of insecurity that is neither one thing, nor the other. The true power, and the freedom that results from this true power is to be able to make a decision. if they pick up their own power and make a decision, make a commitment, they immediately and instantly, and as a complete side effect of that power also inherit the power to un-commit at any time - and that is freedom.Instead of being trapped forever, they are free. They are free to change their mind, free to revoke their commitment, free to walk away. Making a commitment is a powerful and forward moving thing to do.People should not ever be afraid of it and the freedom it brings. It gets them out of endless worry and powerlessness, gives them back their destiny, and allows them to have all sorts of fun experiences along the way that the ditherers and fearful ones will NEVER have.Remember: It isn't the things we DID that we regret on our death bed, but instead, the things we DIDN'T do.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 July 2007):
 If you gave him time to get to love you, you'd waste your time. As you so rightly said, if you don't know if you love someone or not after a year, you might never know. I think you should move on. Let him sort his life out; you go out and live yours.
...............................
|
