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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I recently started seeing a guy. He's sweet, funny, but shy. He always given me hugs, but I had to initiate kissing him on our third date at his home. When he took me to bed after making out for a while on the couch, I asked him if he had any condoms and he said it was "too soon" for him.We fooled around in bed for a long while, but he couldn't get an erection. I tried giving him oral, but it didn't help. He then admitted that he had jerked off twice before I had come over because he didn't want too much sexual tension between us. He also said that he was nervous and that he had had too much alcohol. He hadn't really had that much to drink though. In the morning, I tried taking advantage of his morning wood and went down on him again, but he lost it. He asked me not to take it personally and assured me I was beautiful and that he wanted me, but that he was anxious.I feel now that maybe I scared him a bit by initiating the kiss and the sex. He had remarked that I "wasn't shy", but also said that he liked it. We have another date next week and now I'm anxious about it. For men out there who have had performance anxiety, do you have any tips on how I should best deal with this the second time round?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the advice.
I do believe him when he says he was nervous. He's a very genuine guy and I like him a lot, but I guess he's just a bit more old fashioned than I expected. I'll lay off his penis next time.
@ cerberus:
Thanks for explaining morning wood. A previous boyfriend always enjoyed oral sex in the morning and I assumed most men were this way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): Simple, don't even give it a second thought OP, don't worry about it and don't make a big deal about it. Just keep going, keep dating and keep trying. It was only your third date, things will improve once he gets comfortable with you. Just don't be disappointed, frustrated and definitely don't take is a reflection on you or how attracted to you he is. He wouldn't be seeing you if he wasn't.
Take your time and relax about it. Put sex on the back burner for now and don't try to force the issue. You see his anxiety is based on performance, you know this because he had a prewank last time because he didn't want to pop off too quickly. So the more you try, the more he thinks you need it and the more he fails the more he thinks he can't and it will only get worse.
Just so you know OP morning wood is not a state of arousal, basically an erection works like bathtub. The muscles that control our erection are like a tap and are actually held closed but when those muscles are relaxed, such as when we sleep then we have an erection. Morning wood usually goes away no matter what you do, because it can take a while to get mentally aroused when you've just woken up.
Next time you get sexual OP, take all focus and attention away from his penis, base his sexual performance on what he does for you with his mouth and fingers. Let him perform on you, if he's not doing it right give him instructions, show him how to pleasure you with those. You see if he knows he can perform regardless of erection then it will be less of an issue and his anxiety will go. Not only that but there's nothing more arousing than having your head between a woman's legs.
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male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (2 May 2011):
 The fact that he had an early morning erection shows that his bits work, so it's all in his mind. No surprise there.Men are under so much pressure to perform these days and he is suffering from severe anxiety as a result.Why not state at the outset that you are not putting any pressure on him to have penetrative sex but just to get as intimate as he feels like being?I'm betting that after a few sessions based on these terms (not right away, give him time) he will soon find his determination to take things further....
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): Man, Im in this guy's shoes definitely. For one, I know he really likes you otherwise he wouldnt have the anxiety. You did nothing wrong by initiating as that is a normal thing to do when sexually interested in someone. In fact, I myself need that now from a lady so I actually feel desired lol :/This guy, I think his situation is a little different. He could be lacking confidence due to some past experiences? He could be nervous cause you are indeed beautiful and he's maybe overly stimulated by you in a way? I think he just needs more time to get to know you and become more comfortable and that may require a little patience. If youre willing to tolerate that, great. If not, I'd move on so you can get your sexual needs met and this guy can work out his personal issues.
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reader, ironman777  +, writes (2 May 2011):
Hi - just be aware that its pretty common when two people start having sex - he's so uptight about wanting it to be good he's losing his erection. Happens when someone likes the other person heaps and is concerned aboput their pleasure. My advice is dont make a big deal about it - let it come naturally and just enjoy holding each other and kissing and stroking and all those things that makes sex great - the actual act of penetration will occur eventually I'm sure and then he will be away. good luck with your new man.
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