| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello there,I have a problem, which makes me feel bad about myself. I'm insecure, and I'm not sure why, and I wish I could somehow turn off some switch inside me to stop feeling like this.It's about strippers and strip clubs. I wish so much I looked like a stripper - I think they have great looking bodies. But I don't and never will look like one. My saggy b-cups, my flabby tummy and thighs... my plain face. Still I have a bf that loves me. And he's very loving and respectful, but here's the thing, he went to a strip club with some friends and they got him a lap dance ('cos he had never had one).He knows I'm insecure from long before, and knows that I want to overcome it. To him it's simple: he enjoys nudity, reckons strippers are hotter than me (because they have to, he says, it's their job), but says it doesn't mean he loves me less or is turned off by my body - quite the opposite he thinks i have a great body and also great love making skills. He says he wouldn't trade me for anything and that some arousal by some random stripper means nothing.But I can't stop picturing him with a perfectly toned, pretty girl with round DDs rubbing herself against him, and his, ahem, aroused crotch. I feel awful about myself because: 1) Of course I don't have the body and it makes me insecure and 2) I feel insecure, and I feel awful because I shouldn't care about it - all guys get turned on if they see an attractive female naked, especially if she rubs herself against him provocatively. It's their nature.How do I cope? I know he loves me, because of my personality, and that he thinks I'm attractive. But he's also said that the strippers are hotter, and now he's felt a perfect body rub against his, so I feel I don't compare. This is putting me off sex, what can I do? How can I not care anymore if gets turned on by someone who has a betetr body than me? The "I still love you and it meant nothing" doesn't cut it, please, help me especially if you've overcome something similar or if you're a guy who can help me clear this up.I'm tired of being so insecure. Also, I just can't get off on male strippers. The whole idea turns me off and I've never even seen them live because it doesn't interest me. So I can't relate. Please, I won't leave him because I think it'd be a stupid reason to do so, I never told him (and have no right, he's an adult) what to do and what not to do, I can't control him, so I won't leave him also because he's the sweetest guy and he doesn't frequent these places, this was his first time, so help me fix myself, please :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Daveeeeeee  +, writes (11 February 2010):
 I think you are fortunate that is all he does , you are correct strip clubs are great , incredibly sexy , sensual , and simply awesome lap dancers you can recieve if you know what to look for .
I would use this as a trigger , to get yourself in shape , cut together a great shape and be all you can be ..
Dont just sit back and say " Im an insecure slob " ..
Get off your back side and get it happening , then when he has the chance with an Exoctic dancer he will say NO ..
Remember guys by nature like to have Sex with multiple parters , lap dancing is an extention of this .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): God I would class that as cheating! but that's just me. I hate those lap dancing places, it just asks for trouble. But if that was a one off then yes your just going to have to overcome this. Remember your his g/f, not like he's taking any of these lap dancers home
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 First off, please don't wish you looked like a stripper. Most guys might get aroused by their body type but in reality, out of the clubs, they look trashy and cheap. Sorry, but fake breasts and a toned stomach are not the be all and end all of female hotness and if your man really thinks so then he has a bit of growing up to do.
I've seen a lot of strippers and gotten a lot of lap dances in my time, and I think when I was young they aroused me a bit. They were new and novel, but after a few visits the appeal wears off. It gets boring and I spend more time talking to my buddies than actually watching them. Because it was his first time, I'm sure your man was completely enthralled, but after a while, I'm positive the appeal will wear off for him to and he'll come to realize that any woman who will strip off her clothes for cash is not worth admiring on any level.
Your boyfriend is a bit of an idiot for telling you that he thinks they are hotter than you. I don't know why he's settling for a woman who he thinks is uglier than some stripper... from your description, yeah, he sounds like an insensitive prick. He's young, and I was like that at his age but after 5 or 6 years all the arrogance and stupidity wore off... if it doesn't wear off for him, you should probably move on- find someone older, not too much older, mid to late 20s though. Men take a long time to grow up.
I don't have much else to say, what's done is done, and you have to either forgive and forget or move along. I can't reassure you that your boyfriend likes you more than the dancers because he's already told you that he doesn't, but I'm sure he'll grow up one day.
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