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female
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*racy_korn
writes: i have been split up with my husband for 10 months, we are going through a divorce.my husband has just recently confessed that he had a string of one night stands during our marrage what hurts the most is that one of them was with my brothers girlfriend and another was with my uncles girlfriend. this news has knocked me for six i have spoke to my parents about this and they told me not to stir trouble by saying anything and that they dont believe me. i feel tottaly on my own and i have to face the people he had these flings with and bite my lip. i have always got on with my brothers and uncles girlfriends and i cant believe they could be so two faced towards me. and the fact that i cant confront them as my parents will diss own me. i almost feel suicidal. what am i going to do? xx
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female
reader, tracy_korn +, writes (27 November 2005):
well thank you so much for this reply. it has comforted me greatly the advice you have gave me sounds spot on and sounds like the best thing that i could do.its really lovely that there are people out there that care so much for other people even from across the other side of the world. you have sent me the sort of advice that i needed to hear and times when i am feeling down and weak i will go back and read your email. i have been to counselling twice and it helped me i will book another appointment to be reffared to see a counsellor.thankyou so much again for your kind words they are so appriciatedtracy xxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2005): Have you considered that your ex-husband could be lying about these affairs, in a ploy to hurt you further? Because as far as I'm concerned any man who is a cheater is a liar, as well. But, if you are certain, without a doubt he has not lied, then read on.
Your logic in your posting is not wrong, and your reasoning is not wrong, but logic and reasoning often have little to do with how people behave or what they think, in families. Your parent's cover-up to this, is very sad. People usually cover up unpleasant news because they hate facing the consequences. Your parents gave you this advice because they know full well, what devastating, harmful effects this type of 'news' would have on the peace and harmony of the entire family. You did the best thing by telling the folks-now it's up to them as to how this should be handled. Be rest assured, your parents will be watching these two girlfriends carefully. Your ex is out of the family so just tread carefully around the girlfriend's as they have proven, they can't be trusted. You won't forget this and it may continue to cause you distress. However, with clear thinking, a healing heart and time, it will fade away. So now-you have to hold your tongue, even if you have to use both hands! If you talk by and this issue comes to light, it could cut your family in two and they will be placing the blame on you. Sadly, your parents wants to close this issue, and no longer deal with it. It is over as far as they are concerned. But it isn't over for you. So in order to function at all, in your family you are going to have to accept what happened. Your ex husband, the two girlfriends and yes, even your folks.. are all weak people who have made easy choices. You won’t be able to fix who they are, or change them. However, you can change yourself to find the courage to carry on Will it be hard at first? You bet. Your former husband and these two girlfriend's did a horrendously wrong thing, as all selfish people often do. Remember, you don’t have to be in the middle of your brother and your Uncle's lives but you can socialize occasionally, at family gatherings. You need to stay connected. If things ever get too much for you, you can always politely leave. There is one other thing you can do to make sense of this mess. You can be the best daughter, sister and niece, you can possibly be. You can set loving examples of being everything a member of this family should be, committed, honest, caring, open, loving, responsible, calm, forgiving and understanding. They will take note of that and your life will flourish, as a result.
If this "issue" ever comes to light, and you are asked by your brother and uncle why you never told them, you have to say, "I didn't want to create hurt and pain in this family, so I simply sought advice over this matter with Mom and Dad and was asked not to say anything. I respected Mom and Dad's wishes and I left it up to them to tell you". End of it. Now, I am worried about your thoughts of suicide, however. It's my recommendation that you seek some counselling to deal with your feelings over this pain. And a family counselor will have some good advice for you to further cope. Take care and best of luck, my dear.
Hugs,
Irish
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A
female
reader, tracy_korn +, writes (27 November 2005):
thanks for your reply. its nice to know that there are people out there that understand. i will give the letter thing a try but the family will guess who they were from anyway xx
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A
male
reader, smartoldman +, writes (27 November 2005):
Hold your chin up, you are not the first or last to go through this type of problem. AFTER your divorce write a letter to the male parties of the women involved, just telling them you seen their woman out with ?. you can sign your name but it would be wonderful for them to try to figure out who sent the letters.
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