A
female
age
36-40,
*ewlywed/armywife
writes:My husband Mark, and I have only been married for 5 months, we have a great sex life and we spend a lot of time together. A few weeks ago a female friend of mine that I have known for 6 years told me that she saw Mark with another woman at a restaurant together, she said that they were just eating and having lunch. I was a little upset since he hadnt told me he was having lunch with anyone. The next day she stopped by and said that her husband (who is also in the army with Mark) told her that Mark had told him that he had an affair just before we were married. I dont know what to do. I know my friends would have no reason to lie to me but at the same time my husband is very loving towards me and hasn't given me any reason to believe he would have an affair. Should I just come out and ask him???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): you need to know the truth. better find out now than let it fester and erupt a few years time.
i am glad gina responded to you. she gives excellent advise and i believe she will also try to shed more light.
plse do not blame the friends for telling yo. at least they were being honest as opposed to your dishonest man.
please be strong and work on the self esteem issues. you will survive this. but you need honest answers from your husband.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (11 May 2009):
 I am sorry that this happened to you, but you have to trust your gut.
No one ever deserves to get cheated on, and it would be a clear sign that he doesen't really love you. Your friends have a vested interest if they care about you.
Remember there is supposed to be no secrets in a marriage,
You deserve to have answers. I am afraid that if your friends are telling you from visual and from first hand knowledge that something is afoot.
As opposed to burying your head in the sand, I suggest you take action so you dont have any nagging questions either way. If it turns out that it was a misunderstanding, I would be very surprised.
Trust your gut..what is it telling you?
I would suggest that you find the truth, so that in a few months time you dont repost with the same heartache and NO answers.
I also know that it usually take longer for the heart to catch up with the head.
Watch out if you confront him directly, however, becuase cheaters like to use "Trickle Down Truth", thereby having been discovered, they resort to even sneakier behavior.
Please feel free to PM me if you would like some further insight on how you can get answers, one way or another. Being I was a victim of cheating (shortly before I was supposed to be married) and in subsequent relationships I have seen and heard just about everything that comes down the pike.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): Sounds to me your forgive him even if he was cheating so it better to not ask but if you don't confront him, it will keep on happeneng...so
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A
female
reader, Let's Talk +, writes (11 May 2009):
What your friends are saying is dangerous. Some things go better unsaid. What is the pay off for them? What do they expect you to do at this time? You know misery loves company. How are your friends getting along with their mates? Don't let your so called friends think that they can control happiness in your marriage. I caution you to dicourage this. Out of care for you, they should respect you and your marriage. If you decide to confront him, be careful. You may open a can of worns of distrust that you may wish you'd left shut. You will not want to trust your husband again. I know you want to know but I would let this one ride. If there is truth to it, it will come out and you will know for yourself, no other people involved. Deal with this matter if it confronts you. Your marriage is so young. You may not be ready to deal with this. Spend your time building the bond in your marriage. One thing for sure; He married who he wanted. When we take our vowes, we are actually saying, "Of all the people in this world that I have met, you are the one I want to spend my life with." I suggest you talk to him more about trust and being careful not to allow others to view him a wrong way. Love your husband and pray for him that he makes the right decisions. God Bless!!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 May 2009):
 I think there is no way to improve on Baby Duck's answer.
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A
female
reader, janick +, writes (11 May 2009):
 i think you should just ask him there is no point keepin it in ... if u still truly love him then talk it...stay strong and talk about it to him...u wouldnt want to loose such a great marriage...a women needs to let the guy know what they are doing wrong and if they argue about it it just means that they cant accept the fact what they really did wrong
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A
female
reader, newlywed/armywife +, writes (11 May 2009):
newlywed/armywife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have never loved someone as much as him, I don't know what to do. I want to know the truth but I will be heart broken to know if he did cheat.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 May 2009):
 I don't see why you can't ask him who he had lunch with on such and such date, just be honest and tell him your friend saw him. Now if he denies it or lies, you might have some red flags waving.
I find it kinda odd that he would go have lunch with someone and not tell you, however that does not automatically mean he had an affair.
How well do you know ( and trust) your friend?
You need to talk to your husband. You can keep guessing, but I think for your peace of mind you need to know. If he did cheat what are you going to do? Have you considered that?
I'm so sorry.
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