A
female
age
41-50,
*izzy82
writes:My live-in boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. 2 years prior he had broken off a long-term relationship after his gf cheated. This past December, I was using his laptop to upload pics to my Facebook account (with his permission, of course)! The default folder that appeared was full of porn shots, as well as 3 photos of his ex. Not racy pics, just close-up pics of her smiling. I asked him why they were there and he said he'd kept them as mementos. I said they made me feel a uncomfortable sitting alongside porn shots and he agreed to delete them (BTW, I don't have any problem with the porn because he travels a lot for work and I know everyone has needs - he even has some racy pics of me)!Then this past weekend I was using his laptop again and found 2 pics of his ex AGAIN - one from the previous occasion and another of her, taken from a distance, in her bikini. I confronted him about them and he admitted he'd found them on her sister's Facebook profile. He also admitted that he had masturbated to them while away the past weekend. He said that he'd only done it the once, "for something different" and because he could visualise better.He apologised profusely, said it meant nothing - "it was just a passing sexual thought" - that sex with me was amazing and that he'd never loved anyone the way he'd loved me. He also agreed to never do it again.But I can't help but feel as if I've been cheated on. Not physically, but emotionally. I'd love to get a guys perspective on this. Do all men think about there exs in this way? Am I overreacting?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): Hello,
Are you serious? He is using pictures of his ex girlfriend. A woman who he could potentially meet up with -which is highly unlikely with porn stars.
Also, he has been intimate with her- so there is a high chance that after a few times of using her picture, he will remember how it used to feel like with her, and it wont be too hard for him to go and find out.
Plus its just plain disrespectful.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): Well I think that you shouldnt be to upset. If you are ok with the porn then you need to be ok with all porn. He is using her as a form of porn. He isnt taking the pictures himself and he isnt sleeping with anyone else. Let him know that it really bothers you and that you dont like the idea of him shaking hands with the sheriff to pictures taken of his ex. He will either be ok with it and remove the pictures and understand how you feel. If you tell him and he doesnt remove the pictures and doesnt understand how you feel then there are problems in your relationship that you both have to sort out. It will be okay as long as you are open and honest with him about what you think and how you feel.
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