A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Has my husband cheated? how many would consider this to be cheating, my husband went to a lapdancing club unbeknown to me at the time, and had a private dance, full nude.I since found out by accident, heard him talking to somebody else who had been there with him that night, I heard him saying how lovely and perfect her arse was, no tits though, that he could see her fanny and you could tell it was a tight one, and he asked her if he could lick it, she said no, he said go on I only want to give you pleasure, not kill you, she said I'm not that type of girl. From what I gather he would definitly have gone thru with it and possibly more if she would have let him. I went raging mad at him and very nearly left him over it, I do consider it was cheating, the intent to cheat was there, does that mean he will try again sometime, I haven't known him to cheat before, he looks at women a lot when out, he obviously tells me he hasn't, he was upset when I confronted him about it, said he was sorry, the lads led him on, he was drunk, you know all the crap they say when they've been caught, but now he says "I didn't do anything wrong, I did not cheat on you because I didn't do it" he does understand why this has affected me so much and I cannot trust him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): Find a hot guy and let him lick you...ak hubby to mind the kids while you go out and meet him to be licked.....after all its not cheating according to him.....
what a sleazy pig he is
A
female
reader, missmel34  +, writes (14 December 2007):
 Man, this one has made me angry.
AGGGRRRRRR!!!!!!
There are 2 kinds of men in this world I'm afraid. Those who are loyal to their women and those that are not. Lets not get down to semantics here, a man who adores his woman, loves her heart and soul, would no more allow another naked woman drape herself on him then fly in the sky.
You have every right to be angry, every right to leave him. He simply doesn't deserve you. Every woman deserves to be adored.
If you really think about it, there would be countless other times his shown you less than the utmost respect.
He sounds like my 1st husband, he liked brothels and strip clubs. Could see no wrong in going to a strip club, he thought it was normal male behaviour.
I'm now with a man who absolutely adores me. Its like chalk and cheese. He doesn't believe in that kind of behaviour at all.
If you have to justify yourself to this man about this ...then quite simply hes not the man for you!!!!!!!
He should be on bended knee begging for forgiveness.
Leave the bastard sweetie, you deserve so much better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): What matters more than anything here, more than the fact that he would lick a strippers naked body, is the fact that he doesn't care what does or doesn't bother you. He feels entitled to anything and everything, and if your feelings are hurt by it he could care less. That right there is reason enough to seek couples therapy or give him an ultimatum on the situation. You will only be hurt badly and emotionally damaged if there is no intervention in this marriage. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): God, what a jerk!! He feels he did nothing wrong on top of it. No remorse at all. And for him to ask some stripper who he doesn't know, if he can lick her? What a sick-o. What if she'd have said yes?? What if she'd have let him go furthur? Had given you an STD because of it? I know that didn't happen, but I believe it would have happened, had she let him. You say he isn't the cheating type, but here's your proof that he is. He would cheat on you, and he tried to. I would leave his ass asap. But that's me. You're going to get all kinds of different advice on here. Married men should not be going off to strip clubs or other places that are meant for sexual fulfillment, even if they are just for fantasy or otherwise. It isn't acceptable at all. Who's to say that he wouldn't call on a hooker some night? Or a "massage" parlour? Seriously, any married man who asks a stripper if he can lick her is a cheater or looking to be. I am sorry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): Of course, he could have been bragging to his mates about what happened. It's amazing how a man's bravado suddenly increases when recalling the events of the previous evening at work the following day - after the event and sober. He may have felt he'd liked to have licked her. I probably would have liked to have done so too, but mentally. If it actually came to me having a hairy bush thrust in my face I'm sure I'd decline. You never know what might be lurking in there. It's simply not the done thing to muff a stranger without ascertaining who or what has been there before you.
That said, he doesn't really have much of a defence if he's admitted to you that's what really happened.
Put on your fishnets, susps and heels, tie him to the bed and whip him until he pleads for mercy. Then you can kiss and make up. That's nearly always the best bit.
Phil
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (13 December 2007):
 I WOULD BE SO FURIOUS. Absolutely!!! You were right to nearly leave him!
I think that he still has not come to his senses. He still denies his actions, he hasn't properly apologized. He hasn't taken any responsibility for his actions here. If he was drunk and put up to it by the lads, then was he discussing it with bravado the next day on the phone, was he drunk with a gun to his head? Who are these guys that he hangs out with? If this is a normal outing for him, I'd put my foot down. Is he hanging around with single guys and divorced guys? Most guys give up strip clubs in their 30's. He should be trying to make this up to you by changing his behavior. I wouldn't trust him to go to a strip club again and he should be willing to stop going after what he has put you through. I don't think that he is the type that cheats, but he sounds like he is at a stage in his life where he is being being very easily influenced. If he's having a mid-life crisis early, give him a lot of support. If you want a great insight into men read:
Gail Sheehy's "Understanding Men's Passages: Discovering the New Map of Men's Lives".
I bought 9 books on menopause and the only one I read was about my husband... lol. Take care, hope something here was of help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): Well he is going to say all those things isnt he? Would it be okay for you to give oral to a male stripper? I think not.
I have to say that it sounds like if the girl had said 'sure go ahead' then he would have done it, to me it would seem that if the opportunity for him to cheat arose and he knew you wouldnt find out, then he would.
I have to say his behaviour has been somewhat disrespectful and I can only imagine some of the rediculus excuses he gave - only one problem, she rejected him, so he came home to the loving wife and in actual fact did not cheat.
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