A
female
age
41-50,
*isa82
writes:i met this really nice bloke who treated me like a princess and really spoiled me and made me feel loved! he had recently split from his girlfriend with which he had to children with! i made him wait 6 months before we slept together as i wanted to make sure he wasnt goin to get back with his girlfriend! he spent a lot of time down her house seein his children and he was hounust with me so i beleived him when he said nothing was goin on! after a year his ex girlfriend rang me and he had been seein both of us the whole time! he apologised and said he needed to be on his own for a while! at this point i was 4 months pregnant with his child! he kept sleeping with me the whole time and when i was 9 months pregnant he told me that he had got back with his girlfriend!i love him so much and i feel hurt and angry and just cant get over him! he still sleeps with me now as he knows i cant resist him! he treats our daughter second best to his other children and his girlfriend! im at breaking point i dont know what to do! i have no friends as i moved to a new area and my self esteme is so low as iv put on weight after the birth and feel so unatractive! i want to meet someone else and make new friends but i dont know how!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): I think it's very brave of you to look for help and accept that there is something wrong with the way that he treats you and your child.
The first suggestion I have for you is to stop sleeping with him. In fact, I would try and avoid falling for anyone, to try and get your life in order before the uncertainties of a relationship. Your child needs you to be stong and in control for him/her, so if you don't want to try for yourself, do it for him/her.
Of course, you still have to let him see your child, but if possible you could try and restrict this or talk to him about how you've moved on from him and that you don't need him anymore.
This will all be difficult, but it's important that you don't let him disrespect you anymore.
Good luck with everything!
Gala
A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (3 June 2007):
 You've been through a terrible time. This guy isn't worth it, but I think you know that. Sit down and write a list of all the things he has done to you and to his ex AND to his children! He's lied, cheated, used you, had no regard for anybody's feelings and he's still doing it!
You're right that you need to build up your self-esteem again. Tackle things slowly. First try to meet some new people by finding other women with young babies. See if you can find a group that meets locally, or ask your health visitor if she knows of anyone. If that's impossible try to find a baby sitter once a week and go out somewhere you can meet other people: a class, water aerobics, badminton, art classes...anything that interests you. It's vital that you have some people contact so that you're not so dependent on this guy.
Another way to have some people contact is through the internet. Browse round for some forums for women with young children or a website about one of your interests and see if you can find some like minded people to talk to. A fun thing to do is join a dating site, as long as you take it in a lighthearted fashion. It's a good way of chatting online to guys and getting an ego boost. (Remember though only ever to give people your mobile number. If you ever decide to meet someone make sure it's somewhere public and that someone else knows where you are).
Make a list of small goals to achieve in the next month. They might be to make a new friend, to take your daughter out for a walk once a day, to start a new hobby, to lose five pounds in weight etc. Once you've achieved these small goals you'll feel a lot better about yourself and can aim for some bigger goals.
The first one has to be to get this guy out of your life as much as possible. Decide how often he can see your daughter and in what situations and stick to that. DON'T have him in your house then you won't be tempted by him. You have to stop sleeping with him.
Concentrate on the future and what you really want in life. Stick pictures on your fridge of all the things you want (including a goodlooking guy if you like). Then start to work towards them. You'll be amazed at what you can achieve. Remember you're a great person with a lovely daughter and you deserve the best in life. It won't be easy, but I know you can do it. If you'd like any recommendations of books you can read that might help, then let me know. The best of luck!
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