A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey, i need some advice please, me and my fiance have been together for 2yrs, we have a 5month old son. the problem is he doesnt provide much for him.ok, he buys milk and food for our son but all the materialistic things (cot, bouncer, feeding equipment, sterilizer, bottles) iv paid for. when i got pregnant i was in college so i had to give that up, because i was living with him, i got no benefits or any source of income (i still dont appart from child benefit) i couldnt work because no-one wanted to employ a pregnant girl. yet i had to use all my savings to get my sons stuff, which emptied my bank.my fiance works but doesnt seem to help me. i dont know where all his money is going though, when we moved in we worked out we would have £200 spare a month, when i ask him, he just says on bills.he was with his ex for 6yrs, they have a child together and he seems more bothered about giving her money then helping his current family. they used to live together and i found out hes still paying her gas and elect bills and god knows what else!his ex and their daughter as far as im aware 'well off' she has an expensive car, a nice house, etc, i know by law hes got to give her money but i dont think its fair, he gives his ex all this money and forgets about me and his son, we are struggling with hardly any money, it got that bad once we had no milk for our son for 24hours (he has hungry baby milk as hes always hungry) luckily we had a different brand normal milk that my mate gave me and we dont even have money for food! we lucky if we go shoppin once every 3weeks for food!i think hes still in love with his ex, i found a 'secret' phone he was hiding and when i looked at it, hes been calling his ex every day. he says its so 'he doesnt end up in court' i dont think it is. i think he still wants her.why does my innocent baby boy have to suffer because he would rather give his money to his ex rather then help his current family eat?
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female
reader, raiders  +, writes (8 June 2010):
 You need to put your foot down. Yes his other child has rights but you have to think about your child.
Stop making so easy for him and request more, here in the US you can get them for child support maybe you can do this and get your child his fair share.
A
female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (8 June 2010):
 Im not sure if you are in the UK or not but if you are, Google the CSA and use their calculator to figure out how much he should be paying towards his daughters up keep. Anything hes giving above that amount is voluntary. And he wont end up in court, so i dont know why hes telling you that! It sounds as if hes paying far more than is expected of him if he cant put food on the table! Having a secret phone is a bad sign. He obviously doesnt want you to know how much contact hes having with his ex. He shouldnt be calling her all the time anyway. Calls to his daughter are one thing but not daily calls to his ex. If you know hes paying bills for her while your child goes without milk, then you have a problem. This man is still not over his ex partner and hes making you and your child suffer for it. If i were you, i would see what college courses are available and get back into education. Most colleges will have a creche. Dont rely on this person to care for you and your child because if he did he would behave better. Start planning your own future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): leave him, then you will get your own income , it will be benefits until you can work . but that is better than letting an innocent child starve. if your boyfriend wont provide for your son then it is up to you to make sure that you can provide for him.
on top of that if you leave him the courts will force him to be financially responsible.
its not ideal but hes neglecting you and your son.
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