A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I posted a couple weeks ago. I dated someone for three months. The first two months were great. He was affectionate and planned thoughtful dates (as did I) and reached out daily. We met 1-2x a week. However everything changed last month and I thought I would share the timeline in hopes of gaining some perspective.Four weeks ago, he went on a weeklong trip. Before the trip, I reached out to him but he took hours to reply. During the trip he initiated conversation once. After the trip, I reached out to him but again he took hours to reply, saying he’s swamped with work (understandably so). I gave him the benefit of the doubt (he runs a successful one-man business). Then that weekend, three weeks ago, he asked me to dinner last minute. That was our first date in two weeks and the last time I saw him.The following week, communication continues to be sparse. It’s like the faucet turned off over night. That weekend he went on another trip. When he returned (two weeks ago) I reached out to him and he replied hours later. I said welcome home and he never responded. Then that weekend (one week ago) I saw he posted on social media asking who wants to hang out. I felt disrespected and left him alone. But he RSVP to an event I created on social media for this coming weekend (hasn’t happened yet). He NEVER RSVPs yes/no/maybe to anything (even said so himself once that he only sees but does not click anything) so that felt oddly intentional. A couple days later I texted him saying “Hey how’ve you been? I enjoy spending time with you and haven’t heard from you in awhile. Was wondering if you would still like to get to know one another.” I wanted to do my part one last time. He responded the next morning saying “Hey there! Sorry for the late reply. I’ve been busy posting my (business award) everywhere.” I felt since he dodged my question there was no need for response. I could tell he no longer cares. This was one week ago.I’ve been trying to move on. I even removed him from my social media event. Then suddenly on Sunday (it’s Tuesday here) he texted “Happy Fourth” (it’s holiday here in the USA). I responded a few hours later with “you too!” and never heard from him again. I also saw he recently updated his profile on the dating site where we met.He ghosted... Why did he suddenly pop out again? I didn’t expect him to respond again but it still gave me a little hope and I feel hurt all over again. Is he just checking to see if I’m receptive as an option? Or completely irrelevant? PS. I did not want to add him on social media but his friends asked to add me in front of him, so I added them all.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 July 2016):
 Don't read too much in that text.
He is just doing minimal maintenance- he has not totally written you off because you could always come handy as a plain B, or C, or D...
As WiseOwlE mentions- you met him on a dating site.
Now, not to knock down on principle dating sites- I would be late in the day seen the tons of people who meet and date through them - , but that's sort of a professional hazard. The way you meet them is the way you lose them, they say.
He must have been dating multiple women - or started doing that after a short while with you- and at some point his interest got distracted. Not to the point , though, of wanting to cancel you totally from his menu- one never knows....
This is something that happens quite often with Internet dating, although people does not like to be reminded of it - it's an uneliminable risk of the process , I think, and the only recourse you have if it happens - and if you do not agree to be kept forever sort of short-listed but never the official winner- you just have to nip it in the bud. Block, delete, unfriend etc.- and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2016): Is it just me, but hasn't anyone else picked up on the fact this is the pattern of a guy dating several women at the same time?
He met you on a dating site. There are long absences with sparse communications in-between. He's self-employed; so he has control over his time-schedule more so than someone working a 9-5. He never commits to a planned date, and he makes frequent last minute trips.
He's either married, has a girlfriend, or he's seeing you and other women on the same site; to keep his bed warm and lonely nights filled.
Block him and delete his number. You're being played, girlfriend!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 July 2016):
 I agree that he isn't as into you as you were into him. The whole "busy with work" excuse really is no where. He would WANT to reach out if he was interested. He didn't.
As for removing him and his friends, yes go for it. Who cares? If you don't run in the same circles and business circles it's really no big deal to remove them. Why keep them around as a reminder that he treated you like that?
I DO think he wants to see if you might be a "go-to" kind of girl.. the kind that HE can "use" or "fit in" his busy schedule when it suits him... JUST like his last minute dinner invite.
Keep your standards for how guys treat you HIGH. Which means... as promising as this guy was... the first two months... he isn't a Keeper.
Plenty more guys out there.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 July 2016):
 He is wasting your time sweetie, it is sad that he has went and hurt you all over again, I am sure that is not his intention, he was probably bored and texted a few girls. It is clear he doesn't want anything serious with you, you handled things well so you can hold your head up high, just make sure he does not suggest a casual meet up as he may test the waters for this if his love life has dried up.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 July 2016):
 Oh, just delete and block him and delete all his friends. You're 30-35, you don't need to succumb to peer pressure any longer!
I think I replied to your first post on this guy, where I suggested you give him more time. You have, he's not interested, ok, fine, buh-bye to the time-waster!
Why did he pop out again? Maybe he sobered up enough to text a few random people? Maybe something niggled at him until he sent a conciliatory text. Whatevs. It doesn't matter.
He's a time waster.
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A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (5 July 2016):
I think hes seeing how you respond, wants to see if you are there if he wants you. He had his chance to respond to the text where you gave it your last shot - he chose not to. Hes not interested beyond this now. on a positive your text and your whole handling of this is actually really great in my opinion. He responded to the social invite, and you removed him from it and your social media, after sending one last text which wasn't at all clingy or needy, but very adult.
You don't come off looking bad here at all! pretty dignified if anything. stuff him. onward.
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