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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi,I am so confused. I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years, he is 34, me 35. We moved to China a year ago to work and during this time our relationship has gone downhill. Partly due to the lifestyle, not having enough space from each other and various frustrations which are more to do with our lives in China rather that each other, I think. China has not been very kind to us!He has been unhappy and frustrated with his situation (mostly financially) and I have been becoming more insecure and this has caused a lot of jealousy issues and of course arguments between us. I have been driving him away with my behaviour and he has become more and more distant because of this. I have been upfront about my contribution to our current mess but he can't seem to really talk to me properly and give me a straight answer, which makes me think he doesn't really know what he wants!! He says he wants a break and so do I, but not permanently. I am travelling on my own in China at the moment and we are going to be apart for some months in the near future due to other stuff we both want to do. This is fine and I am mostly happy with this as I think it is important to give each other space to grow as people.However, although I know and trust he hasn't yet, he says he gets uncontrollable urges to sleep with other women... our sex life is great, is this normal? He sees this as a sign to move on, but I would be interested in hearing someone else's opinion on this! Surely, everyone after time gets urges to sleep with new people?Help!
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a break, insecure, jealous, move on, sex life Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (31 July 2007):
 I think he's trying to break it to you gently. We get attractions that are based on sex. I think men take it to the next mental level though. I mean, you could see a handsome guy and notice. You might stop there though. A guy might see a pretty woman and then think about how she looks naked. I think he just letting you know what he "might " do. That way he can say he told you so.
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Ummm not usually no. Maybe hes trying to break it to you gently that this relationship has run its course. If you are going to be apart travelling then it might be a good thing. Bit of space for both of you to explore. If you hook up again after, then you might well be stronger than ever?C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Perhaps he views sex as an escape. Men are famous for wanting the "no strings" attached sex with someone who will not make any demands on them, just allow them to come for sex and leave when they want. I think if you love someone, no you really don't get the urge to sleep with someone else. You may occasionally wonder what it would be like, or entertain a momentary fantasy, but to actually have the urge, implies something much stronger. I think you're time apart is going to spell disaster. Yes, it might help to step back, but I would wonder if he can remain faithful, given his confession. Perhaps counseling would be better than separate vacations at this point.
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