A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I had a really down weekend with my boyfriend. He noticed I was a bit off by very few times I respond back “I love you too”. We attended his god sister’s wedding and I was very upset about how much attention he pays on me. He was talking to his buddies about D and D stuff which I have no clue about it. I don’t mind just be a listener, but at least they should talk about stuff that other people can understand too. After sitting there for 4 hours being extremely bored, I started to think my boyfriend doesn’t care about me as much as before. I started worrying I will regret settling down with my boyfriend. The day after the wedding, my boyfriend got really worry about me and ask me what’s bothering me. I end up in tears telling him I feel that he doesn’t care about me anymore. He reassures me he still loves me and will never stop loving me. He thought I was worry about him not wanting to get married. Yes, that’s another big problem between us. We are starting to think about moving in together, which affects us financially and mentally. Maybe it’s these big decisions that make me paranoid whether I want to settle down with this man or not. I think I might feel more comfortable if we were engage and start living together. However, I don’t want to force my boyfriend to propose to me. He was married when he was young, divorced because his wife was unfaithful to him. I don’t want him to do things he doesn’t want to. I don’t know what to do. I am starting to wonder if he is the guy for me. I feel bad thinking about him that way. I love him dearly, but I am just afraid. Moving in together is like marriage for me (since he is not ready yet). I’m not going to leave him if I decided to live with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): Your bf loves you. He sounds communicative, loving and caring to me. He picked up on your hurt over his behavior at the wedding and he wanted to discuss it with you and he reassured you. Sit back and think about this. Does he do his type of thing to you all the time. If your bf has little or no past of doing this to you...was this behavior at the wedding, simply an oversight on his part? Sould like he just got caught up in the moment of speaking to people who shared a common interest with him and forgot to involve you. If this is true, cut him some slack and realize- he is the right guy for you.
About your discussion of moving in with each other. Judging from your letter, you sound like a very strong gal, who has self-respect and a good, moral world view life and applies it to her relationships. You also seem, like a gal who sets healthy boundaries. I say...hold out for the engagement ring before you move in together. It sounds like you do want a more solid commitment before making that big leap. And stop thinking , you would be forcing him to propose. You would simply be letting him know, what you will go for and what you won't. It will be his own decision, to agree with you or not. There is absolutely nothing wrong with stating to your loved one...what you want. I'm sure he would let you know, his needs, if it came to something he wanted from this relationship. And..sigh..call me old fashioned, but if you are going to commit to him--do it with his promise of the ultimate sharing of two lives.. marriage. Good luck , hun and don't worry.
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reader, NuVu  +, writes (30 July 2007):
Don't judge him to harshly on this wedding. If his lack of attentiveness is pattern or and emerging pattern than there is cause for concern. But for some people (including me) they just get excited and caught up with seeing people they haven't seen in a long time and they forget that they need to be more attentive. Evaluate the whole person and history, not just this event. Also it sounds like your just not ready to move in yet. Consider if that is something you're really ready for... if your evaluating the relationship as a whole, that might be a good enough reason to hold off on living together or getting engaged. Living together or engagement is not going to solve any problems... in fact it often causes them to be more pronounced.Good luck.
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