A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys im 16 years old. i been going out with my boyfriend for 5 months now. Like every other couple we fight all the time over stupid things. Hes some one who needs attention 24/7. I am also not PDA and he gets mad about that. He basically gets mad very easily. anyways i need help on what to do like its so hard giving him all the attention he wants. And He makes these "rules" that i dont agree with and he says if i dont follow them he will break up with me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): All these posters have given you great advice. Most young men like this have usually learned their behavior from their fathers or role models in their homes. Or they have very low self esteem/self worth and feel that the only way that they can make themselves feel like a man is by putting others down and control and manipulate others because they feel so bad inside. Some women choose to stay in these relationships because of the background they are from, had controlling mothers or fathers, lack of boundary issues, or they too have low self-esteem or self worth. It is quite amazing why we get into these situations. You are VERY aware of what he is doing, and know that it is not right. I got myself in trouble many times because I kept on hearing the phrase in my head that my mother kept telling me "be a nice girl". Well being a nice girl and being someone doormat and letting them boss you around and giving you rules, etc is not the same thing. Nice girl is being polite and still standing your ground and having boundaries. It took me a long time to get that through my thick head, please don't make that mistake. This young man has some issues, they are his issues that HE needs to work on. Control issues, anger issues, which tend to all lie in self-esteem/self worth and chances are upbringing of some sort (sorry do not mean to blame the parents, just saying...). Walk away, tell him you are sorry that you think this is not going to work out and you wish him well. If he gets upset or does anything a bit "off" do as one of the posters mentioned, let a parent/the school know. Worst case scenario get the authorities involved, he may need some additional help. I wish you well, and a happy healthy relationship with a great guy.
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (26 November 2008):
 It sounds like he has a definate anger management and control problem. He is also manipulative. He probably has low self-esteem or low self-worth. It is possible that he has something in his past or even now that is making him lash out at you. It's obvious that he is jealous and wants your all of your attention.
The only attention that you are most likely recieving from him is mostly when he is angry or when he is demanding your time and attention. This is called negative attention and will only cause you to suffer. It can damage your self-esteem and can lead to worse abuse. For your sake you will be better off to find someone else who can treat you with loving care and respect.
YOU WILL BE BETTER OFF TO FREE HIM AND LET HIM FLY TO SOME OTHER NEST! Never to return until he has FREED HIMSELF of these bad qualities.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): I couldn't agree more with what Irish49 has told you!
NO WAY do you need, nor should you put up for a moment longer with the kind of treatment he's dishing out!
You say "like every other couple we fight all the time over stupid things." I don't know what other couples you have in mind, but not every one behaves like this, you know!
No, this young man is selfish, disrespectful and doesn't love you. He's so insecure that he has to demand constant attention and make up stupid "rules" for you to follow. If he says he'll break up with you if you if you don't, then let him break up! Better yet, YOU break up with HIM and don't give him any second chances, no matter how much he begs or threatens you! And if he DOES use threats, talk to your school counsellor, your parents, or even the police.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): Yikes, do you really need the bullcrap he's dishing out. Listen, I know dating is important to teenagers, but what a great emotional cost you are paying, just to have a bf! You definitely have a guy there, who is 'extreme' high maintenance, is selfish, has no respect for your personal space, is needy, insecure, controlling and has made this relationship all about him. He also is scary because he is also a guy, who needs to learn to keep his temper under control. Anger management and counseling may help him but would he go? I am very worried about you. I really think you need to "seriously, seriously, seriously(!)" re-evaluate this relationship. Because what he is doing to you is not love, dear. It's ownership, entitlement and will turn into something very ugly if you continue to allow him to behave this way. I don't know if setting boundaries, or hard fast rules will work with this guy. I'd rather see you make the wiser, more healthier choice and simply hightail it, in the other direction. That would be the smarter move. And you take what you have learned from this and never make the same mistake again...right? Tell him you don't agree with his rules and here's hoping he'll make this split up easy by letting you go. It's likely he won't tell you to take a hike because he needs a 'whipping boy'. If he does tell you to go, then don't feel too badly. Don't lose sleep over this. He may be doing you the biggest favor--- a guy like this, can do for a female. So I have to ask, why are you putting up with this? Many of us gals would have kicked this guy's butt to the curb by now. Think about that and think about what the future time spent with this guy will mean for you. It doesn't seem like a pretty picture. I am so sure you can do better than this young man...there are a ton of awesome guys out there that would never treat you like this. I suggest you get out of this, and go find one of those better guys to date. Good luck and remember, think smart and think of yourself.
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