A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really need some relationship advice. I live with my boyfriend and at first everything was perfect. Then we got near to Christmas and it all started going wrong, I know he used to have a problem smoking cannabis but he quit a yr and a half ago. Well he started up again and ever since he's been really moody and we hardly have sex or anything intimate anymore. Not unless I really bug him. I also found out he's been watching porn every day which makes me think he hasn't gone off sex it must be me, he tells me he's "tired" or "stressed". I don't think I'm ugly and I've only put on 2 pounds in the entire time we've been together, I hope this comes out right but I have never been turned down before. Perhaps he just doesn't fancy me anymore.Recently I tried to talk to him about porn and he said he never watches it and doesn't like it!! Even though I said I don't mind as I know all guys watch it, I honestly don't have a problem with it as long as it doesn't affect us. But then a few weeks ago he asked me to put a filter on the internet so he couldn't look at porn. I didn't ask any questions I just sorted it out. He's found a way around it though and I know he watches it every day at lunch and in the evening.I also spoke with him about the smoking and he admitted he thinks he has a problem and that he "doesn't feel normal anymore". I suggested speaking to the doctor soon about getting professional help which he agreed to. He left me on my birthday (January) and I had to persuade him to come back to me and when he did he said he needed help, but that was 4 months ago and nothing has happened. He has also put on weight (2 stone) since we've been together and he blames our sex life on that. I said to him if he spent less time watching porn and more time taking care of me (!) our relationship would be stronger.I have no idea how to talk to him. He gets really defensive and angry when I say how I feel about our sex life and smoking. I told him I miss him, as this is some other person. I love him very much, we are perfect together and I know he'd never cheat on me. We talk about spending our lives together. I know this is a bad time for him mentally which I want to help him through, but I have my own needs and I feel hopeless.Sorry this is so long. Can someone please help me, what can I do? I don't want to leave him.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (19 April 2008):
 Of all the addictions that people refuse to acknowledge, pot can be of of the most insidious. It usurps all of a person's ambitions and desires. Most people can handle an joint or two on the weekend, but once you lapse into smoking everyday, the whole day and then the whole week is shot. No wonder he has put on weight. It's not from lack of sex, it's from the munchies!
He needs a kick start, and perhaps professional help is the answer. I'm not even sure that he will do something about this until he hits rock bottom, and that might mean leaving him for a time, if you are willing to consider that. Honey, you would be doing him the biggest favor in his life if you can open his eyes and get him to see that his problem isn't anything other than his using. There are a lot of people that are potheads in University, but he's well past the age that he should be using everyday. The course that he is currently on will determine his future and his fortune (or lack thereof)... I know that if I were his Mother, I would be happy to know that someone like you is watching out over her son and making some tough decisions in order to force him to take off his cannabis blinkers. Good Luck Honey. You and he are in my thoughts and prayers.
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