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He forced me to give him oral, I froze and acted as demanded... what now?

Tagged as: Health, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 March 2008) 16 Answers - (Newest, 17 May 2008)
A female United States age 30-35, *ightstar writes:

Is this wrong?

I was hanging out with a college hallmate and asking about homework. He kissed and touched me before one night when I was tipsy, but this night he started touching and I said "I don't think this is a good idea." I kept saying that but he told me to be quiet. And I kind of just froze, and then he told me to give him a blow job and I said that no, I don't do that, and then he pushed my head down on it and then said deep throat. He let me up when I started gagging. I let him get off by touching my breasts an then he fingered me because I had got him off but got no pleasure, but now I feel weird and I don't like this.

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A female reader, nightstar United States +, writes (17 May 2008):

nightstar is verified as being by the original poster of the question

update:

I have had a meeting with him and a dean. He didn't apologize at first; he just said sorry that you felt like I tried to do you wrong. But, then we explained that what he did is WRONG AND ILLEGAL. So he has been reported. He has apologized. But, I still will keep a distance.

Thanks everyone!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008):

You so should have bitten that cock right off!!

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (17 March 2008):

LazyGuy agony auntAlright, you posted an update.

On a PREVIOUS occasion you said no, you had a boyfriend and he PULLED OUT A KNIFE and PUT IT AGAINST YOUR SKIN!

Then you didn't get his ass put in jail, instead hung out with him again (what is this stockholm syndrome or something) and this time he forced you to give oral sex and then you got/let him to finger you till you got an orgasm because well if he got his jollies you might as well?

Self-destructive much? Stay the hell away from this guy and get yourselve a shrink because you got some serious issues. Even battered women ain't this screwed up.

If I sound harsh you REALLY need to look at what you wrote down. Why on earth are you making excuses for this guy? He is purely a dangerous freak, but you seem to have victim tatooed on your forehead.

There is no way to say this nicely, GET HELP and STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS GUY. If you don't you will end up as a statistic, I can only hope we can scare you into action.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008):

Hunny you need to report this bully, Take no notice of the anon male who has obviously not read your question properly, This young man is a danger to women in general he needs to be reported sweetheart TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008):

I can't help but think that if I was in your position, having his cock shoved down your throat, I would have bitten through the bloody thing, ripped it off and spat it out against the wall.

Report him. To whoever.

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A female reader, nightstar United States +, writes (17 March 2008):

nightstar is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thx for all the responses...to the most recent response. No we weren't tipsy. I said once before when he kissed me, I was.

This time we were totally sober. And I told him that I thought it was a bad idea as soon as he tried to start touching me. And I know he said be quiet and that he forced my head down, but I feel a little weird that I let him get me off in the end. I know what I was thinking: I was thinking that since he got what he wanted, I might as well get pleasure, but still the whole situation is weird.

I am kinda of scared of him because one time when I told him no and that I had a bf (then but not anymnore) he pulled out a knife and tried to scare me. He didn't hurt me but he put it on my skin

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008):

well i believe you too guys were tipsy , let's put it that way ^^horny tipsy^^ and you 2 wanted it, am not saying what he did was right it's definitely wrong and you should spit on him in public next time you see him (and if you were one of my relatives i would cut his...off to teach him how to get a BJ by force i don't know how ppl enjoy that anyway ) and you shouldn't get this started from the beginning i mean kissing and touching ... back him off from the the kiss

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008):

Yep, he assaulted you...I am sorry that happened to you, I am sure you shut down and did as told because he forced you too and being male he is a lot stronger than you and could have really hurt you.

You need to go to your campus dorm housing board and report the assault immediately, also the local police or campus police, go file a report against him for sexual assault...be brave, you will be protecting yourself and others from this creep...he needs to be kicked off campus, you don't want him living next to you any more!

Take care, and talk to someone if you feel bad about yourself....it is ok to be confused but don't just push it under the rug, go talk to a professional about it so you can process your feelings and get through it the best way possible. Take care, sorry again that happened...

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (17 March 2008):

Danielepew agony auntYes, this is sexual asssault. I'm with Yos, Tisha-1 and all the others. I don't think there should be a need to say it, but this was not your fault: he forced you. I believe that someone should do something for you. It won't be easy to press charges, but, whatever you do, do as the anonymous poster said.

How are you feeling? Do you need any moral support with this? Is there someone who can give it?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008):

Report him. He may be a danger to you and others. He treated you like meat, you need to stay away from him and make sure that others know what he is like. x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008):

Tell him to buggar off or go to the police, you have been assaulted and i wouldnt put up with that, now way.

take care and dont let this happen again.xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008):

Hi Hunny

This is sexual assault...To make you do something against your will after you have quite plainly said NO! Is sexual assault and he should be reported for his behaviour love, He may very well do this to another girl, Im sending you a link to help you after this terrible incident...

http://www.shef.ac.uk/counselling/advice/rape

Hunny he should be reported and you should see a counsellor have you a college counsellor you can go to? I hope this link helps you sweetheart if you want to talk message me.. Its happened to me love, TAKE CARE WITH LOTS OF LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008):

It sounds awfully close to rape, 'close' because the legal definition of rape varies from place to place. In some areas lesbian sex for instance could never be rape.

But yes it is wrong. Very wrong.

He basically forced you into sex when you made it clear you didn't want too. You said no, he didn't listen and forced you.

Pressing charges against him might be best, but I am not going to pretend it is easy to do, it will basically be your word against his and society, especially college society ain't always that nice.

In future, stay well clear of this guy, warn close friends of him (he will do it again and again) and don't get drunk around people you do NOT trust especially when you know you have a drinking problem (not being able to simply walk out of there the moment he started touching you makes it clear you and alcohol do not mix).

You got a nasty wake-up-call, there are some real nasty people out there and no, you can't tell a rapist by his raincoat.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (17 March 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntYos is correct in this, please go see your campus counselor today, and tell her/him what happened. If this guy has done this to you, he may have done this in the past, and may do it again.

Please don't blame yourself for this, this is not your fault. HE is the one to blame and he should be taken to account for it...

Please take care of yourself, you deserve only the best!

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (17 March 2008):

Yos agony auntThat is sexual assault. You have my deep sympathy, it sounds like it was really unpleasant. What he did is very very wrong, illegal and dangerous.

You should speak to a college councillor about this as soon as possible and get their advice. You may want to prosecute him, but at the very least your circumstances need to be changed so he doesn't get the opportunity to do this to you (or anyone else) again.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (17 March 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntNo one should force anything against your will.

No one can control your spirit.

You should have been more assertive .

Tell him to stop or give him a tight slap on the face to wake him up .

If he continues, then it is rape.

It is definitely wrong.

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