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He feels like he can break up and have me back any time he wants. Why does he do this?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 April 2005) 3 Answers - (Newest, 30 April 2005)
A , anonymous writes:

I'm hoping you can help me because I can't take this any more.

I had a boyfriend for almost a year and a half and then he told me he wanted a break and needed time apart from me. I thought, okay whatever, I'll just give him this time, even though I was sad.

A month later, he came back to me and of course I took him back because I was still in love with him. Everything was going great and we were back to the old times, talking about marriage and having babies and all that stuff, even though we're just young still. That only lasted for about another month and he took another turn and told me he was losing his feelings for me but "still loved me".

I was really upset that he broke it off, but he did it nicely so I thought I would agree to be friends since he asked me to.

A week after we broke up, I heard he was seeing another girl who he use to tell me they were "just friends"....everyone told me not to worry cuz it wouldn't last and everything and I'm not worried it's just I never did one single thing wrong to him and lately he's been ignoring me at school or giving me cocky little waves and half ass smiles.

It hurts me so much because I would think after he broke my heart and after everything we've been through(losing our virginity to each other) he would at least have the decency to give me a nice hello once in a while.

Anyways it's really upsetting me and getting in the way of everything, friends, family, school , etc! I can't take it any more. I'm so hurt and I just want to know if maybe you have an explanation for his behaviour. thanks so much

View related questions: a break, broke up

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2005):

I am sorry to say this but it sounds to me as though he wants his cake and eat it. He seems to like a relationship that is open on his part. You cannot keep doing this to yourself because it will end up really hurting you badly.

I think you should be as kind to him as you say he was to you and put it quite simply. I want a boyfriend who respects and loves me enough to be in a relationship with me not someone who comes and goes at their leisure. After all, having the key to the door is one thing but having the key to someone's heart and soul is quite another.So you need to think a bit more of yourself and tell him that enough is enough and you deserve better than he is giving you.

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A reader, Kitten-Man +, writes (30 April 2005):

Well, I'm just a teenager but what seems to have happened is that he has got bored with you and taken you for granted. Now he feels guilty for leaving you for no real good reason so doesn't like to be around you. All I can say is that you should scrap him and try to move on. There are many more fish in the sea! Enjoy your life sister! School days are supposed to be good (not for me) and you should try to enjoy them.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2005):

I think his behaviour is indicative of a young man who hasn't quite grown up yet and hasn't learnt how to respect the opposite sex. He is learning, that's all. You may be a bit ahead of him in terms of the maturity stakes and you have got a bit bogged down with all this.

First love is always so important but you need to put it into perspective. I understand how much you are hurting but he is quite literally playing with your emotions. You need to let him go, at least for the time being. Try again to concentrate on other things, forbid yourself from thinking too much about him. Remember that you are entitled to have fun too! Talk with your friends, have a bit of a laugh, immerse yourself in activities. Pride yourself in reflecting that you have been adult about this situation while he hasn't and that you are more prepared than he is to having a fulfilling and happy relationship. This you will find eventually and he may even want to be with you again but by then, you may find you are having so much fun, you won't be sure whether you need him in your life anymore!

Keep your chin up!

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