A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupidMy bf of 3 years never appreciates me even for things I do for him. However much I do for him and the lengths I go to do things for him, he just treats as if it's my duty to serve him.Am I not supposed to feel appreciated by my boyfriend?What should I do, please help me Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lilmishap  +, writes (25 December 2012):
you do not mention what his reaction would be if you said no?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 December 2012):
 Just stop doing things for him! Stop serving him. Stop catering to his needs above and beyond etc.etc.
And , I don't want it to sound like I am reproaching you for being a helpful, caring person, but, in theory this problem of feeling unappreciated for your efforts should not even exist.
You should do things for people out of your love and care for them, because it gives YOU joy and satisfaction, whether they thank you or not. When you want, IF you want, and without expecting nothing in particular.Basically, you do it for yourself.
If you do things for people with the implied assumption that they have to be grateful, overjoyed and effusive in their appreciation, it puts the strain of emotional blackmail on the relationship. You know , like the typical querulous parent " After all I've done for you .... "
Just do what you are comfortable with, because it makes YOU happy, and nothing more. This way, you can't lose , whether you get applauses or not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2012): Thank goodness he's still a boyfriend. Imagine him as a husband! I married a guy who started well but turned out like your guy. Its depressing to say the very least. Try to make him change - an uphill task I must say. Think long about this. If mine was a boyfriend, would have dropped him like a bad habit.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (24 December 2012):
 Sometimes you need to let people stand on there own two feet. People whether it be a boyfriend or not can take advantage of you. There are certain people in life who expect others to clear up after them, help them when they get into tricky situcations, clear up all the chaos they leave behind them yet they never do anything for anyone else. They get so used to people such as yourself helping them all the time they take it for granted and expect you to help them. You need to stop doing things for him, if he treats you like its your duty then he is clearly just getting lazy and treating you as a mug, so stop doing things for him, see if when you stop if he maybe realize he takes you for granted or sees the error of his ways. He might even start doing things for you if you stop doing things for him. If all else fails, then address him about it, tell him your tired of doing things for him and never getting anything back, if theres an issue in a relationship the only thing you can do is try and fix it by bringing it up. The rest is up to him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 December 2012):
 I read "despair" in your submittal.... you are asking, in fact: "Aren't I entitled to a little respect, from him, if I am dating a guy???"
The answer, of course, is "Yes, you should expect it. AND, if you DON'T receive a little respect or concern, you'll be better off cutting things off with this boorish creep..."
P.S. I added all the stuff after "... expect it."
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (23 December 2012):
 Not much information to go on here, so my answer will reflect that, but here goes...
If you want to be appreciated for what you do you must do it in moderation. No one respects, admires or appreciates a personal slave. So don't act like one. When you think you're being taken for granted, don't wait until it becomes a pattern and you're ready to explode. Nip it in the bud.
From now on, let him do more for himself. And be far more selective of what help you give and when (only when asked and only when it's easy for you to provide). If he doesn't acknowledge or thank you afterward, or if he complains, you could calmly say 'I think a 'thank you' is appropriate'. And when he does say 'thank you', respond with a simple 'you're welcome' and leave it at that. Keep it brief.
The key is not to launch into a long explanation of everything he's been dong wrong, but to train him to do it right. No whining and complaining, no nagging, no lecturing, and no arguing = no headaches for either of you.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (23 December 2012):
 Stop serving him then. Why do you serve him thanklessly?
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