A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a guy for about 6 months, he earns very good money (about 8 times what I do), should meals out/ trips away be split 50 / 50 , or should he be expected to pay more as he is the higher earner and had a lot more disposable cash than me ? He seems to think I should be contributing half, although he did pay for the first few dates.
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (13 August 2016):
What is it now - dating welfare? Dating socialism? Just because he makes more than you doesnt in any way make him more responsible for costs you incur.
This is 2016. Women can sleep around. Men dont have to pay. Just where we are.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 August 2016):
 You shouldn't feel a sense of entitlement just because you're dating someone rich. When you go on dates, go to places that you can afford and if he suggests someplace beyond you're reach, just tell him that you can't afford it. It's not fair if he wants to have an expensive bottle of Champaign or dinner at a Michelin star restaurant and then expects you to split that with him BUT, if you go on regular dates, then you absolutely should split the bill.
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (10 August 2016):
I am wondering why you think he should pay more? Is it because he earns more, or is it because he is the man, or is it both?
I am wondering why you think you should be paid for...
Is money tight for you? Are you going places where you can't afford to pay your way? I would also say, just because he earns more doesn't mean he has his financial hours in order - he could be knee deep in debt etc
I would say just because you are a woman, doesn't entitle you to being paid for- and yes that is archaic if you think it does. If you can't afford to pay your half, six months in why haven't you said to him financially it's tough for you when you date, so let's date within my means? Then do that.
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (10 August 2016):
 I thinks it's fair to a degree. If he is expecting you to contribute to a his choice of champagne budget standard, then no it's not. Good manners should then prevail and him be willing pay the difference without expectation and I think it would be unreasonable to make you feel uncomfortable in any way when you cant.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMany thanks for all your advice and views, greatly appreciated.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 August 2016):
 I would be okay if he's still figuring out where this relationship leads and making sure that you like him as he is, not just his money. I wouldn't be okay if his attitude is such that he's grown bitter towards women and that being calculative maybe a sign that he would not invest emotionally at all. If the relationship progresses into long term, then I doubt it would still be 50/50 forever. You would be sharing assets. I am really curious about his attitude about relationships and whether he believes in true love. If he thinks he's better because he makes more money, then it doesn't matter if you are paying 50/50, or 70/30. I do hope this cautiousness is temporary because I don't think a person who's so guarded about money is capable of loving deeply.
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (9 August 2016):
 Hi
I notice you are in the 41-50 bracket like me
As a previous poster put it ....this is archaic thinking to suggest he should pay the lion's share at least.
I must therefore hold my hands up and say I'm officially a dinosaur!
I suspect you agree with me or you wouldn't be posting your question on dear cupid
I wouldn't go out with him any more
There I've said it....x
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (9 August 2016):
 My boyfriend and I pay 50/50 or for our own stuff, if there's a fair difference.
What you believe you should pay is up to you - however, when dating, it probably should be 50/50, unless there's a noticeable difference in what you both are (for example) and everything should be within a budget you can afford to go 50/50 on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2016): If hes planning these dates then hes going to do what he can afford to do regardless of your income . You should make some suggestions of dates and do them to suit your budget . The simple things can be the most fun - picnic in the park you ask him to bring the drinks and you bring the food . Cosy movie night at home you supply nibbles and he supplies the drinks . If he questions why he brings the drinks you can tell him you like his choice and hes great at picking out stuff that tastes good. This way the dates are cheap to fit in with your budget if he chooses to buy a ' better ' quality drink then thats up to him . You could always get vouchers to make eating out cheaper and deals on films you tell him your free to watch a film a certain time (its on offer but you dont tell him its because of the offer )
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2016): I am just going to agree with what's been said previously but I feel so strongly about this that I have to say my piece as well. Your boyfriend is not responsible for you. You are. If you need more money go and find a way to make more money. He is treating you like the equal that you are. He expects you to be able to take care of yourself. So do I and everyone else on this site. Don't give women a bad name by expecting a man to supplement you.
I was married and my husband earned way more than me, but everything was split 50/50 and my pride and myself would not have had it any other way.
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A
female
reader, Amycoffeegirl +, writes (9 August 2016):
In my opinion, if you paying half bothers you, then it is a real issue that should be addressed.
Did you ever express to him that money is an issue for you? Did you ever let him know that it bothers you to pay half?
Please try to talk this over with your boyfriend. He may not even realize that this is a problem for you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 August 2016):
 Yes, stuff should be split 50/50! What he earns has no bearing on what you're entitled to. You are in control of what you earn, and how you earn it, and because someone makes more doesn't mean they pay more.
HOWEVER...
This means that YOU are in charge of what gets done. He can't plan things according to his disposable income only to expect you to spend yourself dry paying 50/50. You need to budget what you can afford, and tell him that if he wants you to pay 50/50, then there are no expensive cruises or ultra-fine dining or weekend resorts in the Presidential suite.
This means that what you do from here on out is determined by YOUR income, not his. If he doesn't like that, then he can OFFER to cover more. There is the distinction. You never tailor an outing based on the larger income.
See what I mean? Say he has $500 to spend on an outing, and you have $75. Does it make sense that you both choose some $500 bed and breakfast for which he expects you to pony up $250? Nope! This means that you go out to dinner (including tip) for a maximum of $150, and that's it until next payday. You need to stand firm and not expect him to give you an upgraded lifestyle based on his money. And he needs to understand that he can't do all he likes as long as the arrangement is 50/50. You must guard your own finances.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 August 2016):
 Should you pay 50%?
That depends.
Do you EAT 50% of what is order at the dinner? Let's say you DON'T make that much money, so when going out you order the "cheaper" stuff. No entree, no desert, just the meal and a drink. While HE orders entree, big meal, desert and several drinks. The bill comes to $75. Your meal & drink was $25 - what he ate/drank was $50.
In that case NO you shouldn't pay half. You should pay 1/3 - which is $25.
You mentioned nothing about how you two get along, just that he makes 8x more money than you, so I'll give you an answer based on that... SO WHAT? he earns more.
JUST because he EARNS more than you, doesn't mean you are ENTITLED to have him pay for you. If you don't make much and can't afford going out a lot, LET him know. Choose "cheaper" options. If you can't afford to PAY your part, decline doing whatever he suggested and let him know why.
IF you want a guy who PAYS to date you, he isn't it.
To expect that a man SHOULD pay everything is, I'm sorry.... archaic thinking.
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