A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We dated for 3 weeks. Everything was amazing. We spent a lot of time together and talked for 7 to 8 hours a day about everything. When we were together it was like we has known each other our entire lives. He told his family, friends and son about me. He told me constantly how happy I make him. How much he liked me. How comfortable he was with me. How happy his family and friends were that he was finally so happy.His son came home from college and then the next day I received a text message break up that he no longer thought it was a good idea for him to be in a relationship while his son was home. He wouldn't take my calls. He barely responded to my messages asking why the sudden change. I got upset and sent him messages trying to get answers and then he completely stopped messaging me and now will not respond to me at all. I'm so confused and hurt. I really genuinely liked him and thought he felt the same. I don't know what to do. I want him back but not sure how? Why would he do this randomly and how can I fix it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2020): "...and how can I fix it?"
You can't fix it. My advice is to accept the fact that he broke up with you and move on. I know that it is easier said than done but for your sanity, you do need to accept that he broke up with you and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2020): I think he knew his son would not approve of him seeing someone "seriously" - maybe because he was supposedly still seeing wife/ partner/ his mum, maybe because he had hopes of this and the idea of him seeing someone else would sound like none of that can ever happen or go the way the son wants. I also think it is very likely that he had told the son he was hoping to get back with mom so it would look odd of he then introduces him to you or talks about you. He wants to be seen as the good, decent, genuine father who is loyal to mom and only wants mom.He got carried away with you while it was just the two of you, he had nothing to lose. He got sex, someone making a fuss of him and making him feel special, someone boosting his ego.When son is there things have to be more normal and he can either tell son all about you or hide you away.But you were totally overboard with your texts, demandings, nagging, moaning, pushing. Three weeks is nothing. It is far too soon to even call it a relationship. And if you are that fragile that you get easily upset quickly it was far too soon to sleep with him or let him spend so much time with you.Of course he wants to speak to you for hours every day, until something more serious or better comes along.But you should not have dropped friends and family and your normal life and put him first that quickly.Lots of men would run a mile if you come across as so demanding and needy but when the guy has a tug of feelings going on about his old life and his new one and what the son will feel and unsure he will go for theless dramatic choice. After all his son and all the rest are known quantities, no nasty surprises. Whereas with you after just a few weeks you are acting all dramatic and demanding - which is scary.You cannot make someone want to spend time with you and the more you push or nag the more they want to get rid of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2020): P.S.
Speaking from a guy's point of view, he ain't overwhelmed! You're the woman in this scenario! Nope...he's finished! He's not giving you room for argument! The shields are up!
He didn't even have the decency to come-over and have a talk. He ignored your calls!!! He left you hanging! That is the utmost in disrespect; and being "overwhelmed" is worse than using his son as the excuse! Let alone, dumping you by text-message!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 November 2020):
 In my experience, people who rush into relationships full speed are equally as capable of shutting them down in the blink of an eye. Three weeks is no time as all where relationships are concerned. If I had been in your shoes, getting introduced to all and sundry after just three weeks would have rung deafening alarm bells. This guy is in love with the idea of love.
To answer your question, YOU cannot fix this because YOU did not break it. Anyone who breaks up with someone by text and goes on to ignoring all attempts at contact and refuses to explain their actions does not deserve to be in their life.
Thank your lucky stars you only wasted three weeks on him. Don't waste any more time than you have done already. Draw a line under the relationship and move on. You deserve better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2020): You're going to drive yourself crazy trying to find a logical-reason why a grown-man would breakup with you, on account of his young-adult son?
The fact that he could so easily dump you, is an indication he was nowhere near as into you as you are into him! In fact, this is a really good exercise to teach you to pace and reserve your feelings; and keep them in-check, to allow more time before becoming so emotionally-attached to someone you barely know.
Here's another piece of advice you could mull over. He did it like a coward in a text message; after all the lovey-dovey gooey-stuff he slimed you with. You were far too anxious, and too gullible; and didn't make sure your emotions weren't moving too fast. You were getting far too attached much too quickly. I will venture to speculate sex might have occurred too soon as well. You seem too upset for that not to have happened.
Always maintain a moderate amount of skepticism when guys pour it on too thick! Flattery is food for vanity. True compliments come from the heart, but are suspect when they're too plentiful. This guy may have set you up to get sex; and now all of a sudden his son is coming, and he can't be in a relationship. His son has never even met you!
He claims to have told his family and friends about you. Do you have any evidence of that? Telling them about you and introducing you to them are two different things. You wouldn't by chance be an interracial-couple? Is this guy legally-separated, but not yet divorced? That means there is probably a wife; or a recently-divorced ex around somewhere! Certainly a convenient-excuse to let his son take the blame for dumping you! In any case, it's cowardly and heartless! It just seems as if he just fed you a lot of hooey to get you into the sack! If he never succeeded, good for you! If he did, let it be water under the bridge. It was consensual. Things didn't turn-out. It is what it is! Press forward!
I'm going to take some factors into account. I've been here on DC since 2013. One thing I've learned about offering any advice to women in the age-group 30-35...say to 40+. Suggesting they let-go of a man, is much easier said than done. Generally, these are mature-ladies who take love and romance seriously; and they truly believe they know what they want. Willing to give the guy a second, third, fourth, fifth...or infinitely many chances! Most often in a cycle of "on and off" in their relationship. They don't give-up on a man very easily. They will usually put-up a barrier; when it comes to any advice to leave or divorce someone who is abusive, a serial-cheater, violent, or isn't showing her any real evidence of love, respect, or affection. Don't let there be another female in competition...she'll hold-on even if it kills her...or him! There is an exception for married-women, because leaving requires a legal-process; and unless there is domestic-violence and/or abuse, she has to exhaust every effort to save her marriage. Three weeks of dating is a cake-walk, girlfriend!
You're still salvageable! There's just a bruise, not a deep wound!
In this case, he dumped you in a text message. Almost as bad as being dumped on a post-it note; I believe that happened to Carrie, one of the characters in an episode of "Sex and the City." I've been dumped, no fight or disagreement to blame it on. I even have a treasure-trove of expensive gifts given to me, and was taken on a lavish vacation. Only to be dumped three months later. It lasted 10 months total. I was very much attached as well. I was told I "deserve better!" I found better too! So will you, if you'll just let-go and move on.
Three weeks isn't enough time to establish any real feelings. You got dumped in the middle of the "fairytale-romance" period. Okay now, you're a big-girl! Sober up and shake this off! He didn't even have the balls to man-up and breakup with you to your face; instead, he threw-in his son as an excuse...and did it by text. The reality of that alone should be good enough of a slap in the face to snap you out of it!!!
I'm not being insensitive of your feelings; because I know how it hurts. He got your hopes up, and you've probably been alone for some time; or dating thus far hasn't yielded any good prospects. The old-adage "easy-come/easy-go" is a stale old proverb; but appropriately applies here.
Delete messages, block all calls, go completely no-contact! Don't even entertain the thought of taking this guy back, after being ditched in a text-message! Apparently, he and his son are acting in reversed-roles. The appropriate question is, who's the daddy? His son is apparently a college-aged young-adult; but that doesn't give him the authority to pick and choose who his father dates! Try and tell a teenager who they can't date! You may as well hand them your car keys, your credit card, throw up your hands, and wish them the best! In their ears, "don't" means "do!"
You are better-off not knowing the reason(s); because no reason could be a good one. Not one you deserve to know, if you aren't worthy of being let-down face-to-face; and given a feasible and just reason. You weren't just dumped, you were dismissed, girlfriend! At least I was taken out for drinks, on a dark rainy-night, and then hit with the news! Never even got to order a drink! I even had to drive myself home in the pouring rain. Like a sad movie scene. I was offered an invitation to meet there, "we had to talk." That's all ancient history!
Don't you take that dirt-bag back!!! I recommend you keep reading our posts until they sink-in! A text-message breakup, tho?!! Seriously?!! How old is he, 15???
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (24 November 2020):
 It's possible he might be pulling away because he is overwhelmed and needs to process his feelings for you......lean back and give him space and time! he will "sober up" and contact you again after he feels regrouped. If you really likes this man and truly feel there may be a future then give him space and time and live your life till he figures out he misses you but if this guy is just a void filler or someone to have fun with then turn your back on him as well and walk away!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2020): He has shown his true colours, he is fake and you will never be able to trust him. Hopefully he won't come creeping around you again but if so you would be wise to not believe whatever bullshit excuses he makes and ignore him completely.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2020): Have you ever been in such a situation before?It's around the time I was in your age group that I went through something similar for the first time.Did it occur to you that there need not be a reason why no matter how impossible among primary colours, yellow should suddenly turn to blue, or red to yellow?What really gets to you here is the fact that... You Did Not See It Coming.You've dated for 3 weeks. He has a son old enough to be in college. Have you asked yourself... by this point in his life, how many times has he done this before? How many times has he told how many other ladies who were just as amazed as you exactly the same things he told you? And how many times has he stooped so low as to 'break up' over text, totally out of the blue?While for you this situation is clearly absolutely insufferable, think about the millions of other women who in your exact same shoes would know to *choose* to react as follows: chuckle and tell themselves "Yeah... I was not born yesterday Man."No matter how dehumanizing this whole thing might be seeming to you right now... Rest assured that there's one thing no one, in any circumstance in life, could ever take away from you: You can always choose how you react.Tell yourself that, Maybe you did not see it coming, random as it may be... but you can always *choose* how you react.No one could ever take *that* away from you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 November 2020):
 I'm with Code Warrior.
BLOCK him on everything. This guy LOVE BOMBED you (look it up if you don't know what that is).
Understand that he DID NOT LOVE you. He loved the IDEA of being in love and having someone special. At least when it SUITED him. When his son came home from college it no longer SUITED him, YOU no longer SUITED him.
THAT isn't love. That is him pulling you into a fantasy for HIS own pleasure, and when he is done with that fantasy... well, YOU are discarded like a tissue full of snot. With no care.
You are in your 30's so I'd advice you to be a little more "aware". No one falls in LOVE in 3 weeks. Because you can't KNOW a person in 3 weeks, REGARDLESS of how many long conversations.
You really should block him, because I agree with Code Warrior that this guy might want to contact you once the son is back at college, until Christmas then dump you again, and then talk to you until Spring-break and then dump you, then then there is Easter, graduation, 4th of July....
Are you willing to be his TOY? Someone he will USE for a while and then pout on a shelf for MAYBE later?
You need to be less naïve here.
Sorry you got hurt.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (24 November 2020):
 He seemed like he was making all the right noises, and from what you have said he did seem into you.
Personally if i was not into someone i would not tell my family, friends or son about them.
I think this is a problem around his son, it just seems odd to me that things were good, then his son comes home from college and all of a sudden you recieve a break up text.
Ok, what do you do?. Like Code Warrior says, " Nothing".
for starters dumping someone over a text is lame, and shows a complete lack of respect for what you ever had.
Also don't be his door mat, this could turn into a situation where he picks you up and puts you down, dumping you every time his son comes home.
My advice would be to forget about him, delete his details so you don't feel impelled to contact him, and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2020): I’m sorry your hurting OP. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to fix it. He has made his decision and I’m sorry to say but you have to accept it. No amount of begging and pleading is going to make him change his mind. In fact it will make the situation worse. It will make him realise he made the right decision and not respond to you at all ( which he is already doing). You will probably never know his reasons why either. You have to accept it and move on. Don’t message him or call him. Delete his number and Cut him out of your life and move on. I know it’s hard but it’s the best thing for you too. You can’t make people change their minds. Spend some time focusing on yourself. After only 3 weeks you should not be this attached to a guy. Go out and do the things you enjoy (if COVID allows), stay healthy and active and remember you are a beautiful amazing person and if 1 person doesn’t see that then think of all the people in your life that do know that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2020): Do not hurt yourself and be in denial do not make excuses for him if he wants to make the decision to cut you off just like that with such a low excuse you don’t need him. Sounds to me like he’s making excuses, his child may not be the problem it’s him he doesn’t want to pursue you don’t stick around waiting you are better off , what if he still has the mom of the son around and all of a sudden wanted to cut ties because she’s around now ? Don’t be at his convenience, cut it off he’s unsure that’s clear so don’t break your head on the what if’s I hope you find a guy who makes you know and feel wanted
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