A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i was dumped today by my partner of 4yrs , we have a child together and i have a child from a previous partner.reason for being dumped was because he was sick of me accusing him of stuff this is not the first time he has dont it we always get back together thou but this time its different he dosent want to see me or speak to me. it would be easier if he didnt still love me but he says hes does but says he carnt put up with the accusations and that he is not happy.i love him so much and dont want it to end, i just carnt see my way round it this time. i carnt stop crying this the worst pain i have been through, my furture was with him i feel lost
View related questions:
get back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): He still loves you because you are still you; he loves everything he loved about you before, but he broke things off because he couldn't handle the constant accusations. Simply put, he wasn't happy in the relationship. Like Dirtball said in his advice to you, "You can love someone, and still be exhausted by them."
As for you, spend lots of time with your kids. Strengthen your bond with them. Also, build upon your hobbies. If you don't have a hobby, find one you enjoy. Work on improving yourself and making yourself into a more confident, happier woman. There's no need to focus on making him come back or dwelling on if it's possible. If he realizes he was wrong, he will, but you can't be constantly contacting him or texting trying to convince him. That's just as exhausting and being accused of things constantly.
Be a strong woman for your children, and be a strong woman for yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfinding this really hard since he finished with me, how do you get over some one you still love and how can they still love you when they were the one that finished it.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Pretty much the same as drug use minus the missing money.
Why do you insist he's up to something? It seems like you're trying to find something that you can accuse him about?
If you don't trust him enough to stop this behavior, then leave the relationship. All you're doing is killing the love anyway.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhow would you know if your boyfriend had cheated on you
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (19 October 2010):
You can love someone and still be exhausted by them. Think about it. What if you were constantly having to defend yourself from the person who you care about most? Nothing you do or say changes their mind. I'd probably give up just like he did.
Heroin is a very serious drug and has a very strong addiction that goes with it. Has he gone through any drug treatment? Are there any other signs he may be using? Things like missing money or household items. Him being gone at weird times.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): most important was he doing or had he done what you accused him of or was it without any foundation? if he was actually giving you every reason for the accusations then it is better as it is. no more torment.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni accused him of being on drugs because he used to be a herion addict he some times came in with small pupils and glassy eyes so i stopped trusting him and started accusing him. how can he love me yet not want to be with me
...............................
A
female
reader, Just Saying +, writes (19 October 2010):
 I can understand the frustration of constantly being accused, I can tell you from first hand being accused is a very stressful situation, unless you have reason s to accuse him. Just remember only time heals, give yourself the time and space that you need and deserve to put things in perspective, cling on to your friends and family and they will help you through this. You are in a tough situation your pain that you are going through is one of the toughest pains imaginable… I know, but hang in there and focus on you and your kids you will make it through this. Good Luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, glassblower +, writes (19 October 2010):
 It was difficult to decipher your question, honey. But there seem to be two issues. The first, his reason for dumping you. Accusatory questions or statements. You perhaps never mentioned what bothered him about what you said, maybe he never told you. But a good rule of thumb is to never begin a statement with "You", as in "You never take care of the baby." This makes people defensive and sounds accusatory. The better way to put it is "I think" or "I feel". "I feel upset when I do most of the work taking care of the baby. Could you help every other day?" is much better. The second problem, the fact that you have a future with him and can't imagine life without him. This is a serious issue. If you want him to come back, you must both apologize and go for counseling. He is a major factor in your life, especially with your child. If he will not come back, you need to focus on being a good mama and stay strong. Best of luck. xoxo 3 glassblower
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): What are you accusing him of? Can you provide more context in this situation for us?
If you are, in fact, accusing him of things quite frequently, he might've actually gotten tired of it to the point that he can't take it any more. This happens fairly frequently in relationships where one partner feels picked on by the other. It's not healthy to be paranoid about your partner's life beyond you, nor is it healthy for the partner to have to put up with that paranoia. Anything but a healthy, mutually respectful relationship has a high chance of failure (and even that respectful relationship can fail, too).
It is natural for you to feel lost and upset about it since you were the one who was dumped. However, you can see this as a positive situation – you have time now to figure out who you are and what you want with your life and to work on your insecurities (I am assuming this is why you accused him of things). As for your children, it will probably more difficult because of them. However, if he is your child's father, he probably has some obligations to help care for your child. Don't hesitate to make him pay, especially when it was his decision to break up with you.
Best of luck to you. Things will get better in time!
...............................
|
