A
female
age
36-40,
*Bee85
writes:My boyfriend and I were together for 5 years and there were a number of things he did to hurt me through those years, but I always forgave him and I was always very good to him - always honest and never did anything wrong. So a few months ago I was at my best friend's house, depressed about not seeing my boyfriend and drinking. Turns out that the next day I found out that one of my friends whom I trusted took advantage of that and slept with me. I honestly had NO idea and I threw up all day until I got home to call him and tell him. He said at first that he understood and he knows I would never do that intentionally, but as the months passed he kept telling me to stop talking to him. I was so hurt and so frustrated that I just couldn't leave him alone and then he just plain broke up with me and now he will not return my calls or my emails. His mom says he needs distance to get over me and move on and that he doesn't want this. He actually told me that before I told him what happened he was planning on asking me to marry him. But now, he will not speak to me. He lives too far away to just show up at his door.What should I do? We used to be so in love :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): I don't know what you can do to repair this relationship, I think the fact that you acted so irresponsibly is the crux of the matter. That said, you did not deserve to be raped and you were not responsible for that. And I don't think I would accept an apology from this so called friend. He really deserves to be called out on his behavior, it is up to you if you want to prosecute or not.
I think you should stop drinking. You cannot drink responsibly and you shouldn't put yourself into situations where you get drunk ever. There are men out there who will put date rape drugs in your drink as well, which makes you semi unconscious. Never leave your drink unattended at a party or a bar. If you do, throw it out and replace it. You came very close to getting alcohol poisoning since you drank to blacking out....this might kill you the next time. You seriously have a drinking problem because you want to drink to excess, this is not what healthy people do. So stop drinking before something much worse happens to you. And never never drive drunk.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): you better see a doctor, and as the previous aunts said, you should contact the police and get to the bottom of what happened. this is definitly rape and should be treated as such...and dont drink irresponsibly ever again.
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A
female
reader, KBee85 +, writes (15 January 2010):
KBee85 is verified as being by the original poster of the question
I really had no idea what happened and it made me sick. I told my boyfriend it was my fault because I drank so much around people I thought I trusted because I felt so horrible for HIM. But, I let him know afterward that I didn't remember a thing until the next morning when my "friend" apologized. I still didn't remember what happened, I just knew it did. I'd never been taken advantage of in my life. I've never blacked out from alcohol in my life either...
My "friend" and I no longer speak, but what's worse is that I don't know what's going through my ex's mind. And since he won't answer calls or emails (I think they're blocked), there's no way we can have a conversation about it unless I told his mom and she doesn't know anything about the breakup
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 January 2010):
I'm afraid you have to let him go and move on. He's made it clear it's over, whatever happened when you were drunk. All you can do is move on. And for his mother to step in, believe me, it's over.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): I want to know what you did about the friend who slept with you while you were passed out drunk?
What you are saying is that you were raped. You were not a willing participant and you weren't even awake! If I were you I would have filed charges against this creep.
Because you haven't called it what it really is, your boyfriend thinks you are making it up and used being drunk as an excuse for letting it happen. Which is the truth? You were drunk and you had sex with a friend fully aware of what you are doing...or did you wake up the next day to find yourself molested?
It may really make a difference to him to know if you were actually raped...and you can still report it to the authorities...were there any witnesses that you know of?
Otherwise, there really isn't much you can do except let him be...sorry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): I'm sorry honey but its time for a reality check. you broke his trust and he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. so move on. also it kind of struck me odd that you began this with he did a lot of hurtful things but you NEVER did anything wrong? you definitely need to face reality. the first step to fixing things is to see that you were wrong. it wasn't someone else's fault. you were responsible for your own actions.you even blamed getting drunk on your boyfriend because you hadn't seen him and that made you depressed. sorry honey but i think he had enough and is probably escaping all your blaming him for everything and your own self-righteousness. good luck, Mal
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