A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 23, my boyfriend is 26. We've been together a little over 2 months. I would like to see him everyday or at least every other day, but he only wants to hang out maybe 2-3 days a week. We've talked about this, and he has said "You're not my life. You're part of my life but you're not my life" and "I don't think I can give you the attention you need". We do text off and on most days, and usually one call a night, but I'm not happy with that. Right now he's unemployed and spends his time with his friends or at home by himself, so it's not like he's busy with work anymore, he just chooses to hang out with his friends instead of me.Are we just incompatible? Because when I'm in love with someone, which we say we love each other, I want to be around them as much as possible. I don't even expect everyday, but at least every other day (4 days a week). It's not like we're long distance...we live 3 miles from each other. All of my friends agree with me that I'm not expecting too much, because most of them have boyfriends and see them a lot more frequently than I do mine. It makes me feel like he doesn't take our relationship as seriously as I do.
View related questions:
long distance, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lovin myself +, writes (5 September 2012):
Yea girl ....just let things flourish on their own...everything happens for a reason if it meant to be then it will be! Oh he doesn't have a job, now that doesn't sound like a very strong financial foundation!
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (2 September 2012):
I think some people are just more codependent than others. In order for you to feel connected to him, you need to see him daily--for him, he's good with seeing you a few times a week.
With my last boyfriend,I loved the fact that I only could see him on the weekends. When I get off work, I don't want to cater to someone else, I want to sit on my bum and eat dinner then do whatever I want to do. I don't want to look presentable and then feel bad for not.
In your case he has no job, so you feel he should be able to spend more time with you. I agree with that since he doesn't have much else going on. I'm just curious as to why you want to date him then? He doesn't fulfill your needs, would rather hang out with his friends, and he has no job...sounds like you could probably do better.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 September 2012):
 age and distance have no bearing on this one...
he is not as into you as you are into him.
when I needed/wanted more contact with my LDR guy I told him and he stepped up his game even though he didn't need more contact....
2-3 days a week when you are only together 2 months is pretty good.... let it progress at his pace...
in a year if you are still at this rate, then you could reevealuate... but i think you are pushing him to hard to fast for something he's either not ready for or is not wanting with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (2 September 2012):
It seems like he is only interested in casually dating. You, on the other hand, are looking for a long-term relationship. At this point in life, your goals are incompatible. I think you should take a break from him so you can continue your search for a man who will care about you as much as you do him.
Your current boyfriend is still too immature (unemployed, hangs out with friends) to give you the attention, love, and relationship that you deserve. Please consider ending things amicably as soon as possible. Stay friends with him (but NO friends with benefits hanky panky!). There is always a possibility that he could mature and you could try again with the relationship later.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2012): I agree with everyone that you should take thing slow and see but 4 days a week as you say is not too much whether or not it is a 2 months relationship. At this point in my relationship i find that is when i wanted to see her more.There is 7 days a week and you are only asking for half the time given that both of you have already said you love each other. Is not like you are not asking see him everyday.
...............................
A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (2 September 2012):
 I am in a very similar position to your boyfriend despite the age difference. She would see a lot more of me than I would allow. The question is why don't I want to see more of her. The truth is I do, but we've only been going out 2 months. I'm more cautious than her. But the truth is every night I spend without her is a wasted night. We belong to each other. Love is a beautiful thing but sometimes it takes longer than you think to understand the one you love.
...............................
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (2 September 2012):
 Dear Anom,
To want to be with somebody all the time and thinking they are wonderful is illogical but that is what we all do when first fall in love with someone. That is what love is all about. The fact that he doesn't want to spend all his time with you must indicate that his feelings for you are not as strong as yours for him. His feelings may grow stronger in time or they may not. But you should not try to force the issue by trying too hard yourself but let things develop naturally and see where it leads. If his commitment to you does not change you should just accept that he may not be the one you should be looking for.
...............................
|
