A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Feel free to be as honest as possible. I have been with my bf for 3.5yrs now, and he decided at the 2.5yr stage he wasn't ready to live with me. So I accepted that. I wasn't quite ready either, but was looking forward to the prospect. We had a convo the other day where he said he still wasn't ready and would consider it in 2 yrs time. Now, I am ready for it now, and 2 yrs sounds forever to me and has made me quite sad. He is not willing to compromise. Now, it's not because he's using me or doesn't love me, because it is evident in every other way that he does. I just am sick of having these time frames the way he wants everything and I feel like I am not good enough or something. Am I being a complete idiot and needy? Please help because this is really putting stress on the relationship x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): Time you looked at the real reason and start thinking of yourself instead of a us
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): Look at other aspects of his life, he may be waiting until he has reached a certain point in his life, were he has achieved something, whatever that maybe, in order to take the next step. If his friends are still single, or not living with their partners, then he might want to hold back until the rest of the guys are ready to fully settle down, just in case he were out miss out on something.
However you have two choices, as the others have mentioned. You can give him an ultimatum and say that you are ready to move in together now. As in its now or never, only you can really say if he is the type of guy that will stick to his word and agree to move in with you in 2 years time as he has said he would.
The other choice is that he's the one you want to be with no matter what and you're prepared to wait until he is ready, this includes even if he may never be ready, even if you never got married. If you can't see yourself with anybody else ever.
It is a tough decision, one that determines your future path in life. Just go with your gut feeling. All I will say is if alarm bells are ringing to the point where you feel completely stressed about it then just move on anyway, because that is not good for you.
I hope it works out for you.
Good luck.x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): No you are not being needy, I think you are being very reasonable. It just sounds like he is not ready to be truly committed to you. It doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't love you. It could be alot of reasons. It could be a financial reason, it could be he is having cold feet. I don't know. But what is apparent is that you are not on the same page. And that poses a pretty big problem. There is a quote that says, "love does not consist of gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction." Not having the same goals and not being on the same page at the same time is a problem because you are not getting your needs met and naturally you are going to grow resentful. If in two years you still don't get what you want, you will grow regretful of time "wasted." It is difficult investing so much time into one person and feeling duped. The fact that he doesn't want to move forward with you feels like rejection, naturally, because it is. I agree with Echo85 in that giving you a specific reason as to why in 2 years he will feel ready is important for you to know if this is going to work out. If he can't give you a reason then it sounds like he is just buying himself time, for reasons unknown to you...maybe till something better comes along? If he is being that vague, really you never know, it could be something you are not going to be happy to hear... Take time and really think about your relationship. Do you really love him? How much is his hesitance going to affect you? Can you handle it? If you really love him and you can handle his reservations without it affecting the way you feel about yourself then ride it out. If not, and you don't trust where this is going then follow your gut and do what's best for you, and do what is going to make you happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): Your not being needy or a total idiot no.
By the time he MAY be ready to move in you will have been in the relationship for 5 and a half years - thats a looooooong time to get ready for the next stage.
There is no guarantee he won't change his mind again and say not till I am 60.
Thing is if your ready and he won't compramise then you have reached a stalemate because your relationship goals are so different
What reason does he give for wanting to wait so long?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 March 2012):
 What is his rationale for not wanting to live together yet?
is it financial?
is it religious?
if you are ready now and he is not and you don't want to compromise, then you will have to make a very hard choice...
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A
female
reader, Echo85  +, writes (26 March 2012):
 Have you asked him why he has stated specifically '2 years time', why does he think that is when he will be ready??
It's sounds a little like he isn't telling you ssomething.
Talk to him. It's all you can do, then you can make an informed choice rather than guessing.
Good luck
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