A
female
age
30-35,
*issy123
writes:So it's been about a month since I've been on here. My previous dilemma was whether I should start seeing/dating a man who is twice my age, going through a divorce, and who is a regular customer at a restaurant I worked at.. I did accept his invitations to dinner and we have been seeing each other pretty frequently for the last month. He is still going through this divorce from his stupid, horrible scummy wife, and he is hurting, I can see it. He seems like he is doing alright most of the time, but there are times where I can tell his mind is just preoccupied. To give some more details about this situation and circumstance, we have slept together, quite a few times. We have a great sexual connection- which is awesome becuz I wasn't being satisfied in the 3 year engagement I ended in January with my fiancée. And surely my new man wasn't being satisfied by his wife. We always have a fun time no matter what he and I are doing. We've stayed up til 4am just talking and telling stories, and there's been times were we have gone to dinner then back to our hideout and made love for a couple hours. I also just helped him pick out his new vehicle and he asked for my input and opinion about the prospective new place(s) he will be moving to. Here's my new delemmia; I know things really shouldn't be rushed..but have they been already? I cannot empathize but Im sure divorce hurts like hell, how can I help this man not hurt? And is it heathly if I want to take his mind and focus off of his soon to be ex wife and put (his mind and focus) into something more fun and constructive. And what kind of things can or should I switch this focus to? I don't want to end up looking like a fool or a rebound. I've tried and have been successful with not getting too emotionally involved, just for self preservation basically, but he says he already is emotionally involved and invested with me. What do I do to go about this the right way?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): I cannot empathize but Im sure divorce hurts like hell, how can I help this man not hurt?No, you can't help it, you may distract him from his problems but at the end of the day they'll still be there, you can be a good listener though sometimes just being there for each other helps a lot, although you can't do anything really, time is the best cure ( how cliche is that? but it's also true) And is it heathly if I want to take his mind and focus off of his soon to be ex wife and put (his mind and focus) into something more fun and constructive.Sure you can help him decorate his new place ( some men have awful taste) help him pick a new carpet, curtains maybe... teach him how to cook (some man had everything done by their wives and are quite helpless after the divorce) But don't try to act too wifelike either (he may feel intimidated or just take advantage of you and lean on you like a housekeeper, believe me!) you're too young, don't get too attached specially if he's got kids, they may dislike you straight away if they go visit their dad soon after the divorce and find a new girlfriend half their father's age already running the place. And what kind of things can or should I switch this focus to? I don't want to end up looking like a fool or a rebound. I've tried and have been successful with not getting too emotionally involved, just for self preservation basically, but he says he already is emotionally involved and invested with me. Sorry, but already seem emotionally attached otherwise you wouldn't be here asking advice on how to ease his pain, but take things slow, you guys are both out of relationships. I don't think there's a right way in relationships. Wish you the best of luck
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