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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 23 and my boyfriend is 25.He has said to me he wants to wait until we're 40 and he's 42 to have kids.When I said to him that he doesn't want children at all, he denied that, and said that he does want kids, just in later life when he's got more time for kids.I asked him why he wanted to wait this long, but he just refused to answer, and said that it's worth the wait.How do I discuss it with him?? At the moment he seems to have turned into a workaholic, and lost interest in any form of sex but not our relationship, which he is working on.Anyone know how to get out of this situation?? I feel upset and have no idea what to do.Laura from Bolton, Greater Manchester, UK.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2006): I think the reader misunderstood what was being said in regards to the word 'produce' when he/she stated "A female is born with all her eggs, she doesn't "produce" eggs during her reproductive years, just releases them". In reproduction terms the word produce is meant to 'bring forth' or as was said, she 'releases' them. I think it's widely known that a female is born with a specific amount of eggs in her body but when she ovulates, she is releasing or 'producing=bringing forth' an egg from her ovaries. Just wanted to stress, that the word was, in fact used in the correct context.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2006): FYI A female is born with all her eggs, she doesn't "produce" eggs during her reproductive years, just releases them. So the longer you wait to get pregnant, the OLDER the eggs are.
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (16 February 2006):
 i would say , that noone tends to know excatly what they are going to want from their lifr 20 years down the line, when i was 20-22 i always sid i couldnt bear having kids till i was 34 but 1 year later i was the proudest mum on the planet!
but remember it is not always posible to have kids for a woman at the age of 42 and if he wants to put it of ask him to look at a more realistic and general age span, if not find someone who isnt going to cause you this upset and has need like yours
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reader, willywombat  +, writes (15 February 2006):
 How do you mean he isn't interested in any form of sex, but he is working on your relationship?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2006): I am not inspired by this woman, I am just upset and worried.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2006): In the case of this 67 year old woman who gave birth, the eggs and sperm used, had come from healthy young people, who were donors. Again the medical facts speak for themselves..as women age, the egg production sloooows down. If you're looking to have your own genetically, biological children with your husband, waiting until you are 40 could pose more risks. But, if you too are inspired by this 67 year old woman, then go for it. Nothing more needs to be said. It's you and your husband's choices. good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2006): My boyfriend said to me he was inspired by the story in the headlines of a 67-year-old woman giving birth.
Laura
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2006): I am sorry..a painful place to be. Obviously, he is not ready for children, yet and he may never be. But this is a critically important subject all couples need to discuss 'before' marriage. What he may not understand though is the biological/physical challenges that may come with female production, later in life. There are risks. I'd hate to see you both wait too long and then find out due to aging, you cannot have children. Most people do not understand is that fertility in women declines rapidly, with age. A woman’s production of eggs do slow down, as she ages. The chance of getting pregnant begins to drop in one's early 30’s and goes downhill more quickly after 35. I think you should throw some medical facts at him. It might help your case for starting a family earlier. Just confer with your family doctor to be sure on this. But check out this website:
http://www.ourgyn.com/article_retrieve.php?articleid=199
You still have time and both of you are young. But I am pleased you are both talking about this, now. Planning a future family is a very important issue. My best suggestion is to give him your point of view and then you give this touchy subject a rest. Tell him that you're not going to discuss it for a couple months. That seems reasonable because it doesn't make you seem like you're nagging and it gives him time to think about your feelings. The key is calm, mature communication..no yelling or arguing. That puts him on the defensive. Put forward all your feelings and facts, to allow him to absorb the facts in regards to having a baby. After all, at 23, you don't have to rush this. Your husband and you are very young...he might need time, for growth, financial stability and a bit more emotional maturity to be ready for this big venture. The strength of your marriage and the maturity is so critical because children need the best parents they can get. Raising kids is a joy...but it a monumental responsibility and somedays 'it's not a walk in the park'.
I sincerely hope the two of you can reach a compromise but it will take some time, patience, communication and negotiating. It's a tough place to be for you, because your desire to become a mother may end up over-riding your desire to stay with this man. Sadly, nature does not equip women with the abilities to give birth late in life, (some women have but it's rare) whereas men can become, fathers up into old age. I wish you luck, dear but contact your doctor and get some facts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2006): Maybe he is thinking that he wants to be able to provide for any kids and doesn't see himself emotionally or financially able to do that right now.
Maybe he wants to save for their education or a bigger house etc before he does it.
My parents got married in their early twenties but didn't have me for about 8 years because they were broke when they got married and wanted to make sure they had a house, cash for education etc.
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reader, Maloletka +, writes (14 February 2006):
 WOW that is a problem! I have no problems with my fiance, he wants kids and he is just 22 and i am 20. I want kids too. I would be the happiest mother, and will be so happy to see my honey as a loving father...
To have kids after 40? That is not good at all, who knows what may happend until that age... Some people just not able to have kids, and others - can have kids but just dont want them... My oldest brother got marry at age 20, she was 20 too. They wanted a baby so much... But for almost 6 years they couldnt have one, they visited everyposible doctor... they took a lot of medications,,, and finally she got pregnant and now they have a beautiful baby girl who is almost 2 years old... Maybe he thinks that baby will separate you, like you will spend more time with baby than with him.. But that is not truth, baby will tie you even more close together.. Because that little human has something from two of you...
Hopefully your situation will work out... And he will change his mind... And soon enough you will get a beautiful little baby...
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