A
female
age
51-59,
*otluckeinluv
writes:I would like to know if i am asking too much of my husband; from day one, i tried to keep things spicey in the b.room, i would lay rose petals on the bed, put candles out, dress provacativly, i made sure his meals were always there right after work,. I used to bathe him, and give him a massage when i knew he had a bad day, i used to set his clothes out for work the next day, i used to leave sexy notes in his lunch box, or i would leave erotic notes in his car at work, and among all those things, had him screamming during sex. So now that i have stopped all of those things due to him acting like a dick, and just not considering my feelings, i have become very angry, and now he says he is tired of the way i treat him, but he cant understand how angry i am, wouldnt you be if you were forgot on all the holidays including your b day, and getting nothing in return, only him pleasing himself? and not you? any ideas?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 March 2008):
 Maybe , his mother does everything for him and he only knows how to take .
You have become an extension of his mother and he takes it the same way .
Not knowing that you are not his mother but a wife and have needs too.
You put him on a pedestal and worshiped him like the Adonis God.
He is luxuriating in your attentions and it is like Heaven to him.
He does not know how to give.All his life, his mother only taught him how to take..LOL!
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 Hi there,
This sounds like a simple case of a pampered husband.
Any guy would be thanking their lucky stars for being treated like this, so when it stops there is a shock.
Have you communicated to him why you got sick of treating him like a king and that you want to be treated nicely as well, or did you suddenly just wake up and think "why do I make all this effort when I get nothing in return?"
I am finding it hard to have sympathy for this guy as he is not a baby he is a grown man and should know that relationships are two way not just a woman waiting hand and foot on her man. If he cant see this then you will be better off somewhere else and good luck to him trying to find another girl like you. But he may just need a chance to wake up and smell the real life roses as it were.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, notluckeinluv +, writes (27 February 2008):
notluckeinluv is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the answer, i think your right, i cant understand the smothering thing, but maybe that is what it is. i guess maybe i was wrong to shower him with love, is there just not a man worthy of such gifts?the control over the realtionship i think you hit the nail on the head,i am a leader so to speak, i have tried to sit back and let him be the head of the household and he screws it all up, money mostly and then it makes a big mess, i would like to know other "guy" opinions, could it be i need to change?
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A
female
reader, Robin Goode +, writes (27 February 2008):
You give and give and he took and took and now you are angry so you stopped giving and now he wants to stop too. Revenge isn't something on which to base a loving relationship. Who knew?Enough! Tell him you are angry. "honey, I know you love me, but I need you to show me you love me and here's how I need you to show me." Then list it out. Sounds like you are a "gifty" person i.e. you want a little trinket that says "i thought of you today and it made me smile". Ok, tell him that. Then - this is important - say, "I love you, and want to show you that I do. How should I do that?" Then, listen to him. My suspicion is that your relationship is based on slave/master. You give him whatever he wants, so he claims to love you. That may be the bargain that you struck, and if so, you won't be able to salvage the relationship now. However, it may be that you don't see how he shows you he loves you. He forgets your birthday and doesn't care about Valentines day, but he wants you to have a reliable car, so he's been working on that. He puts up with your parents (who hate him), and he always buys your chocolate milk (though he never touches the stuff). Let him tell you how he shows you he loves you, and if he can't think of anything, ask him if he wants to show you. He will also share how he wants you to show him you love him (forget the massages, but keep the screaming good sex, or something). Forget the revenge (it isn't working anyway, right?), you are a couple working this out together. By the way, isn't the sex good for you? If not, you need to fix that pronto. Screaming good sex for one isn't a sex life --it's masterbation with a sex toy. This isn't acceptable. Again, he should WANT to fix this with you. You are a team. Act like one.If, as I suspect, he's had you as his personal slave and now you've "wised up"... well, that is bate and switch for him. It'll be tough, but you cannot respect a man who confuses getting everything he wants with true love. Get out. Get out.But first talk and listen. You may find yourself surprised by the man you love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): Why do you do so much for your husband? You are his wife not his slave. I mean I guess its sweet, but it seems like a bit much. If I had a guy doing all that stuff for me, it wouldn't feel like a partnership but rather like he's my maid or something. You should have more range in your personality. Maybe try being more of a selfish bitch from time to time.I don't know just why are you doing all this. First off a relationship is about give and take. I really think you should read this article I found which would suit you really well. Here's a quote from it that maybe will make you realise that maybe you should tone it down a bit: "The average fashion magazine tells women to act like a servant, as if dating were a labor-intensive, blue-collar-job application: “Can you serve a cold beer in trashy lingerie? Do you leave razor-sharp creases in his shirts like employee-of-the-month at the Jolly Roger motel? Do you wear cellophane for him? Are you gardening in stilettos? Are you giving it up doggie-style? If so, he'll drop to one knee and propose ...What women are learning from all of this is how to behave desperately. When her attitude is “Pick me! Pick me!” she hits the kill switch on his desire. It’s human nature."Even though it is an article about how to get a guy to propose, I think you will still find it helpful. Here's the link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13231665/
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): I'm sorry, I can't give you any ideas to help. I just want to tell you that I think you totally have a right to be angry. He sounds really inconsiderate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): It seems almost as if you have constantly tried to please him and whilst you had wanted all of the nice things you do for him to make him more into you, they have made him take it all for granted. He doesn't need to make any effort really as you have always come up with the goods.
It would be weird if you suddenly stopped and started to get pissed off now. Equally you need to see if all of the things you have been into, are making him feel smothered or trapped. Forgetting your birthday or what ever happens on these holidays is confusing. But I wonder if he is wanting to have some control over the relationship and you keep taking over? Maybe?
Maybe there is a man out there who can let us know what is and isn't being too clingy???? Help Guys here!
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