A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with this guy for almost 3 years and he's the love of my life. When we were together for about 6 months I cheated on him with two different people. We worked it out between us, but I didn't have much of a life for a while. When I did start to have a life again we found out we were expecting. Our son is about a year old now and I cheated on him again. He is taking it a lot worse now then what he did in the beginning. I love him so much and i can't see myself with anyone else and i can't live without him. Now he doesn't trust me which is understandable, but they say if there isn't trust there isn't a relationship. I know i hurt him so bad and i know i would never be able to cheat on him again, but he doesn't trust me and he doesn't think i love him. How do we make this work? Can we work it out? Do i really love him if i could do that to him? Is there some underlying issue we aren't getting to. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (15 August 2009):
 You can love someone and do terrible things, but unless you do some serious counselling and get to the real reason for your cheating... you WILL do it again. If you don't do the deep soul-searching and identify those hidden needs, he should NEVER EVER EVER trust you again... and neither should you trust that you won't.
You also don't understand the devastating effect of your cheating on your partner. It's deep painful and life changing... its a shattering humiliating want to die kinda pain that you are causing. IF you love him you will put in the work it takes to prevent this from EVER happening again no matter what it takes and now there's a child involved and that pain will be inflicted on the child as well.
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (13 August 2009):
 Sorry but how can you expect your bf to trust you and act like nothing has happened??
You say that he is the love of your life yet you still actively go out and cheat on him.... I admire your bf for sticking around and putting up with you.
He is probably only sticking by your side because of the child.
You need to decide whether you want the relationship or not.... either you stop cheating on him and put your energy into the relationship, or leave him to find a faithful and honest partner.
Your choice!!
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A
male
reader, Theguynextdoor +, writes (13 August 2009):
If u loved him how could you cheat on him?
I can understand the trust problems.. which can be sorted out over time if you show him that you love him and that you would never do it again. However, the problem comes in that hes never going to have the same trust for you again because you have now broken it and its gonna be hard to put back. Theres no other problem, th only problem is the trust.
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A
female
reader, Securityoutlaw +, writes (13 August 2009):
Well, to me it looks like he was understanding after the first two times because it was so early in the relationship and then you had a child together and between having a child and then the time from the last two cheats til the time you informed him of the most recent one, all of the trust was back at full level and then you told him that you weren't. he trusted you and now its going to take a long time to gain that trust back. Yes, you can love someone and cheat on them. Sometimes people cheat because they have a need or a desire that needs to be fullfilled and the original person can't fufill it or they don't know about it or just don't understand what it is that you wanted from them. That is where the communication part comes in but it is alot easier said then done. As long as you fully mean it that you will not cheat again and show your bf or husband how much more serious and don't hide anything from him, there is a possibility for that trust to come back. It will be rough and it will be rough for the both of you. He may be thinking in his head how can I know fully that I can trust her when the last time I thought I was the only one. The best way is to ask him what he needs to see from you and feel from you to prove that you are leigit. And explain to him that you know that you did wrong and are willing to do what it takes to show him that your fully in love with him, if thats what you want. If he is really what you want. You also may want to look deep down inside of you and find out what it is that made you cheat. Was there something that menatlly you didn't realize you needed but your body knew deep down inside a different kind of emotional or physical thing was what you needed. I hope this helps! Good Luck.
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