A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there everyone, I have a question for all of you and any help will really be appreciated. Last year me and A were together for about 10 months on and off he even lived with me at one point but we both had our problems both drink and mental health. But I finally got to my senses and sorted myself out and got a new job started seeing this amazing guy but it just wasn't the same. I have thought of him everyday from June last year!! But I have started seeing him again but he isn't sorted whether as I am working don't drink and have gotten over my problems. Why do I even see him? Can someone please give me an outside view on this. I love him so much but he won't sort his life out. He isn't even that nice to me so I don't understand why I want him so much. I am at the age I should be able to sort my problems out alone but I just can't work it out. He is always in and out of prison and has two kids. He drinks everyday but still I love him and don't want anyone else. Do I subconsciously enjoy being mistreated. He even kicked my door in at one point and I had to call the police on him!I appreciate any help you can give me at all xx Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 Maybe at some level you do have a perverse kind of "enjoyment" of all this drama, as RedAthena has pointed out. I suppose you could say it makes life interesting - in a very unpleasant sort of way!
At least you have taken steps to make a better life for yourself, whereas he has not. He is his own worst enemy. Until and unless he gets fed up to the back teeth (as my father would put it) with his behavior you are doing yourself a real disservice by continuing to tell yourself you "love him." It's more like you're obsessed with him.
So now: go a little further, recognize you are MUCH better off without him in your life and show him the door. Face it: he might NEVER change - or, change a little, do better for a while and then slip back into his old habits.
There are men out there who are a lot more worth your while!
A
female
reader, Lornipop +, writes (28 June 2011):
I don't know why, but from my reading it doesn't seem like a good relationship. I don't really like the sound of him, being nice to you should be easy. Hold out for the best. Just try to avoid him, easier said than done but good luck x
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A
female
reader, la petite belle +, writes (28 June 2011):
 OH! my! it hurts me so much to see how many girls are in almost my sme situation!... I think taht us girls tend to get fixed in the good times taht we forget the reasons that triggered us to want to move on!... I think that you should just move on... as hard as it is (and trust me!!! i know how hard it is when we know of all the good things that could be if only he....) but men never change, specially if it's easier to stay the way they are... move on... you are doing the best for you! and don't deserve that bulls**t!
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (28 June 2011):
 Re-read your post and answer it as if you were your OWN best friend.
He has little to offer you other than someone to offer your love. He is more a target of your affection than a benefit to your life.
Maybe you do have an addiction to the drama of the relationship and romanticize that some day maybe he will change for you, etc.
You are old enough to know better. Now, be that best friend and go kick some sense in your own ass.
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