A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So two years ago I started college and I went to my first classes and there didn't seem to be anyone special in them, the odd hot girl (I'm also a girl), but that was it. So the next time I had this one class I sat with these girls on one side of the room, somehow it just felt as if something was missing. Then half way through, this new girl walked in late and sat on her own on the other side of the room and then she looked up at me before quickly looking away. I knew straight away the girl in this old baggy red sweatshirt, with orange knee high socks and scruffy reddish hair was going to mess with my heart for as long as I would know her and there would be nothing I could do about it. And I was right. She looked dreadful that day, but she was still the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I don't know what possessed me, but the next day I went over and sat by her even though people had already settled into their places. She wouldn't even look at me for 6 weeks. She never said a word. The whole time she looked stiff and awkward, or anxiously fidgeting. It was like she had some sort of problem with me. Even when we had to do pair stuff she just rushed through it and still wouldn't even look at me, when the lesson was over she couldn't wait to get away from me quick enough.So I started to lose hope, when one day she came in sat down turned to face me, looked me straight in the eye, smiled, said hello and started talking to me as if nothing had ever happened. I nearly fell off my chair in shock. Then she started asking me all these random questions about my life for a few weeks. I soon found out she had a boyfriend, my heart sank a little but I knew she had to be bi. At Christmas she finally said she was, yet she has never mentioned ever having a girlfriend and she never even talked about girls or anything gay even though I tried to bring it up a lot. She didn't break up with her boyfriend for a while, and when she did, it wasn't long before she asked out some other guy who she was with up untill a few months ago, yet is still friends with and neither seemed very sad about it.We got on well the rest of that year. But whenever I saw her outside of class with her guy friends she'd always snub me, even if I said hello to her. It didn't make sense because she was so different in class, she would always be bugging me, showing me things and telling me stuff. I loved the way she would never shut up, but she was so confusing. The way one minute She was trying to impress me, the next she was pretending I didn't exist, then sometimes she'd be like worried about me, getting cold or being on my own or whatever. We didn't speak all summer, I commented on a few of her facebook statuses but she ignored me. So I thought I should try and get over her, and I met this other girl and we went out a couple of times before I went back to college. But when I saw this girl again at college, I couldn't fight it. I hoped she would ignore me, but no she came over and started talking to me like she had never ignored me again. Gazing into those eyes, I didn't stand a chance in hell. I'd already said I'd see the girl i met over summer the next day, but all I could think about was the college girl so that didn't work out. So things went back to normal at college, at first. Then one day I was late and this dorky new guy had stolen my seat, I'm not very confrontational so I just left it. She didn't give him the cold shoulder for 6 weeks or anything. So that was it, we almost never spoke after that. One day she randomly came up to me and gave me these articles she'd cut out of magazines about film/media schools for me, then she told me she'd found this place I could do work experience at. I thought it was wierd that she cared, now we never spoke. Then I saw her randomly sitting on her own in town, I started talking to her, but it seemed like she couldn't get away quick enough, so much so that she said she had to go down a different road which only led to an emtpy car park. Then this one time after she had broken up with her last boyfriend, she went outside with the guy who had stolen my seat, they came back looking very awkward, with him admitting he was gay. It crushed me to think she would rather be with HIM than me. She might as well be with any guy rather than me. I've only ever heard her say she's bi twice and she never talks about ANYTHING gay or shows any interest in anything gay or supports any causes. I know she has really conservative parents so maybe she feels she couldn't have a girlfriend for that reason. So I've tried going out with other girls, but having to see her just makes it impossible for me to feel anything for anyone else. I counted down the last 50 days because I can't bear seeing her and feeling I mean so little to her when all I want to do is tell her how much I love her. I wish I didn't but as long she's in my life I can't help it. She's so beautifully strange, I love the way she's not afraid to burp out loud, the way she subconsciously walks about with her arms stretched out like she's superman, the way she'll wear the most random things and won't care what people think, her deep drawl, I even love the way I can't figure her out, like everyone else is just following like sheep and so easy to read but she's different, blurry and not in the same trance of ignorant content. Sometimes it feels like she's really the only person I see actually living and not just breathing, robotically. I even asked out this girl in the same class, which was alright. But afterwards that girl posted on my facebook wall about it. Then after that, in the middle of the night this girl I love had been looking through my photos that weren't new or anything and liked this one of me with the gay flag. She never likes any of my statuses or comments or anything ever while the girl I asked out practically stalks me online. So a few days ago, that girl's on my wall again, and then this girl I love asks me how I am and how I found the exam and if I'm going to this party which is happening now. She walked right by me and stopped a few yards away with her friends and snubbed me. Why on earth didn't she ask me in person? Why does she even care after not speaking to me for like 6 months? I was going to ask Should I go to the party, even though I don't really get on with anyone going enough to enjoy it, but it's happening now and she's not even there because she felt sick or something. But If we had have gone she might have just tried to ignore me, I just don't know with her.Can somebody please try and explain to me why she is so wierd and random with me? why is she so hot and cold? why did she act so hostile when I first met her? We're going to universities that aren't that far away from each other soon, and if her parents are the reason she won't let herself be with a girl that wouldn't be a problem anymore, so then maybe, I just don't know. Does it sound like she has or ever had feelings for me? If not I just want to get away from her and move on, because I can't be around her without loving her.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 Maybe she enjoyed YOUR FRIENDSHIP and was trying to be cautious about not giving you false hope.
She was not into you ROMANTICALLY. Sometimes we fall for people that just do not feel the same about us.
It happens with all genders and all orientations.
The reasons why you adore her are charming, but she could not return your feelings. Someday, there will be someone who can. It does not mean anything is wrong with you or her-it just is not a match.
Best Wishes.
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